Couch your feelings

Tonight will be the last night that I spend on this couch. The "leather" has started peeling, there's hair from creatures of various species tucked between each cushion, and the armrests have started to cave in. I've never liked this couch, but my word have I had some memories on it. Some I won't share because, quite frankly, I don't know who's reading this; and others I'll gladly share... because I don't know who's reading this. 

 I love you.... but I hate you!

Carly and I acquired this uncomfortable, though visually-inoffensive chair when we first moved in together in 2008. It supported me - literally - while I played games on my terminal Xbox 360 and eventually on my PlayStation 3 and healthy, more recently-acquired Xbox 360. I dragged it close to the entertainment unit when I had a mere nineteen inches of viewing space. I pushed it back when I upgraded to a larger display. I punched it when I lost hundreds of bouts of Street Fighter IV online, and during the hair-tearingly frustrating final mission of Grand Theft Auto IV. I curled up on it as I wept through the last boss fight in Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker.

Almost everything I've written for consumption via my blog or Bitmob, was written on this couch. Every job application, every trolling comment, every counter-trolling comment, (almost) every email was written on this couch. The insincere back support made me write faster at times... if not, I'd have to lean forward to give my spine sweet, though ineffective respite. I've written enough words to form a dissertation or two on this couch, I guess I owe it some form of farewell.

 You did the best you could, leathery soldier.

Tomorrow its replacement will arrive: a stylish, modular suite with a reclining chair and infinitely-better back support. I will more than likely continue to write on this new piece of furniture and rest-assured I'll game from it as well... but it won't be the same. I won't have to battle back pain and discomfort while I climb or rapidly descend half a decade's worth of leaderboards. I'll be more comfortable then ever before, but will I be as determined? Probably. Shit, without having to shift every twenty minutes I may become a paid writer just yet!

Despite my unkind words, I would like to thank you, uncomfortable brown couch for all the time we've shared together. May we never meet again.

Tell us about your gaming furniture. Are you comfortable with you current setup?

Lightning Focus

I'm trying to find my Focus.

I'm supposed to be giving my PlayStation Portable its last rites. That was going swimmingly until Saturday afternoon: I'd just finished Resistance: Retribution - which didn't get half as much praise as it should have, just quietly - and just started playing Dissidia 012: Duodecim Final Fantasy. That was when my quasi-religious gaming experience went to shit.

Don't get me wrong: the game plays just fine and the new cast members are all good fits. Probably a little bit too similar to its predecessor, and still brimming with the same sappy, nonsensical drivel that had me itching to skip just about every cutscene; but still, the game features beautiful, fluid visuals and the same brand of dramatic, gravity-defying violence that made the last part of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (almost) bearable. 

It was just seeing Lightning again. She was a strong protagonist, with a manner unbecoming of your typical Final Fantasy female (read: not solely candy for the male gaze, coherent, and not gasping in every second line of dialogue). She was one of the few reasons I persisted with Final Fantasy XIII for as long as one with a developing allergy to JRPGs could. Ultimately, an extended vacation with Light's polar opposite, Vanille proved to be too much for me to continue. Her insufferably high voice and insipid scripting was not a good match for the mindless grinding of the early chapters.

But seeing her again, dear readers, it was enough to send me back into that middling narrative. It was time for a change of pace: from the hectic, somewhat-shallow battles of Dissidia to the complex, arguably turn-based affair that is Final Fantasy XIII.

It was hard: picking up from where I'd left off - almost two years ago - reacquainting myself with a new battle system and terminology-heavy lore. Forty minutes of play in, and I still hadn't progressed past the chapter where I'd first hit the wall. Regardless of what weather effect I had in play, I was always presented with a battle that would take at least ten minutes to get through. I know you can opt out of some of these encounters, but I'm always suspicious that if I were to end the grind that I'd be fodder for future foes.

I'm glad I made the effort. Even if the script reads like a self-indulgent teen fantasy, the battle system is deep without feeling convoluted. Plus it's just plain amazing to behold; I mean this game is freaking beautiful. Even after a few years, some of the sequences are breathtaking even when compared to more recent releases.

I might even finish it. For the first time in what seems like years, I'm happy to play something not quite new. Let's forget about the fact that there's been no major releases in January, shall we?

Note: For those in the know, did you like my elaborate Final Fantasy XIII pun?

Man vs Child: The iPhone Wars

Everyday is a battle in my house, for you see, since she was nine months old my daughter could unlock our iPhones. As she steadily approaches three, she has figured out how to download apps from the App Store, which, to be honest, is a little concerning.

Especially after she spent $18 in less than a minute.

As a result, my wife now has less to spend on her iTunes card, Lib has something else to call her's and I have something to write about.

She only downloaded a few games and a book, but they've kept her distracted all weekend. As a parent the only thing I can do is endorse them.

The first she found was Peppa Pig Party Time. Based on the popular ABC cartoon, this game is actually seems pretty fun, with kids able to make, ice and decorate cakes with their finger as well as play hide and seek with a pet parrot. It's mind numbing for an adult, but because it closely resembles the show, the kids were right into it.

The interactive Dora the Explorer story book was another of Lib's purchases. This follows the adventures of Dora through somewhere doing stuff and things and... (trails off). I don't really know what happened other than there's a giant chicken that jumps in a pond and a car that beeps every time you tap the screen.

We've bought other Dora and Diego games before, with Diego proving to be fairly educational in comparison. Many games (including non Dora/Diego games) involve earning stickers that you place on a wall. The one I help out with a fair bit involves placing animal stickers on the countries that specific animals are from.

Whilst the iPhone is proving to be a daily argument, it is refreshing to know that she is picking up games and, in some cases, is actually learning about animals, colours and shapes in a fun and interactive way.

I'll never replace our nightly book read with a stint on an iPhone or iPad but one thing is for sure - technology is here and it's taking over. Do you have kids and if so, have you bought any cool games for your phone to keep them entertained?

Temple Run Review (iOS): Success is paid for, not earned

I'm still not a convert to iOS gaming, or the mobile scene at large. There are a few exceptions: addictive, though ultimately-shallow experiences that keep me hooked for a few hours but - in most cases - fail to deliver the responsive controls and sumptuous visuals typical of games found on dedicated gaming consoles. When I play an iOS game, it's often because it's been recommended to me by a friend, or - in the case of Temple Run - a game journalist I follow on Twitter. Imangi Studios delivered this strikingly-ugly app towards the end of 2011 and it's already enjoyed a great deal of success. Does Temple Run live up to Dan Ryckert's claim that it is "Jetpack Joyride done right"?

The short answer is no. No, it's not as charming as Jetpack Joyride. It isn't as addictive as Halfbrick's sidescrolling score attacker. Its meta-game isn't as all-consuming and Guy Dangerous is no Barry Steakfries. That being said, Temple Run is built on some solid mechanics and is well worth the non-existent price of admission (read: it's free).

In your average run you'll be swiping to jump over and slide under obstacles as well as follow the treacherous path along the temple walls. You tilt your device to move to the left or right of your current path to pick up coins. If you clip any non-lethal obstcales, a pack of demonic monkeys will give chase for a limited amount of time. Most traps and falls, however, are deadly and require genuine focus to avoid when you hit full flight. You can collect power-ups that can turn you invisible, speed you up, or turn you into a coin magnet. It's simple stuff, but it can really pull you in after a few good attempts.

MY EYES!!!

Collecting coins adds to your score and also acts as currency for the in-game store where you can buy new skins, single-use items, and upgrades to power-ups that you come across randomly in each of your runs. You can choose to buy additional coins (as in with real money), so this allows paying players to make their way up the leaderboard much faster than the frugal gamer. This is because certain power-ups and buffs serve to multiply the value of coins or make them easier to collect. You could buy your way to success to an extent in Jetpack Joyride as well, but a lot of the purchasable items in that game were either cosmetic or single use; thus a high score in Temple Run can effectively be bought.  

As I've previously mentioned, the presentation of Temple Run is below par (read: it looks like fresh hell). The frame rate on the iPad 2 never falters, but I did notice the odd stutter when I played on an iPhone 4. The visual hitches I encountered on the handset version weren't enough to throw me off a high score, so it's a usually fluid - if not foul-looking - visual experience.  The soundtrack is just plain obnoxious, so I'd recommend either playing your own music over the game or just muting it all together. 

For the record: One of three

It may not be the prettiest game ever made, but Temple Run provides hours of fun with an addictive score attack formula and reasonably-responsive controls. There may not be much motivation to continue playing short of taunting your friends as you journey up the leaderboards, but there is some satisfaction to be found in boasting about your best score via Twitter. As it turns out, I'm not very good at Temple Run, but it's still an easy game to recommend. Besides it's free, what more motivation do you need?

The Demo Downlow: Asura's Wrath and The Darkness II

Welcome to the third instalment of The Demo Downlow. Today we'll be looking at trials for Capcom's oriental space-opera, Asura's Wrath and 2K Games' follow-up to Top Cow comic-inspired The Darkness.

Asura's Wrath (Played on Xbox 360)
I've read a lot about Capcom's upcoming action game, but I've never watched any gameplay footage. I wish that I had, because then I wouldn't be feeling the sense of disappointment that I feel now. Don't get me wrong, the portion that I played looked amazing and the score perfectly suits the bat shit crazy action on screen. The problem is, no matter how nutty the titular character looks, or how many giant swords you're being stabbed with, the game handles like an interactive cut scene. Even when the action is taken off rails, it feels as though you're going through the motions until the director has something more ridiculous to show you. I certainly hope that the full game pits the player against grunts instead of boss fight after meticulously-directed boss fight. Still, the scale of the action and high-quality animation deserves to be seen (if not played).

Not pictured: The rest of this deity's giant thumb.

The Verdict
I love the game's oriental sci-fi motif and the fantastic soundtrack, but the action feels like a shallow interruption to the wonderfully-rendered cut scenes. Worth a download, but I'll probably wait for this one to hit the bargain bins.

The Darkness II (Played on Xbox 360)
I was a big fan of Starbreeze's - of Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay fame - first quasi-open world effort based on Top Cow's comic, The Darkness. It was short, shockingly-violent and truly horrifying in some scenes. Digital Extremes - which handled the PS3 port of Bioshock - is at the helm with the sequel, and what I've seen looks promising... and violent. Like ridiculously violent. Like "seriously, how the fuck did Mortal Kombat get banned in Australia and this game sails through uncensored" violent. With your Darkness powers you can eat hearts, rip men in half, impale your foes with all kinds of improvised weaponry and almost literally paint the town red. It's quite a meaty demo - all things considered - and I'm looking forward to getting my hands on the final release in a few weeks time. The shooting itself is a bit loose, but the Darkness powers allow for enough improvisation that you won't often care. It's also worth noting that the new cel-shaded visual style is a great fit.

Dear OFLC....

The Verdict
Do you like gore? Do you like the idea of a twist - however superficial it may be - on the tired FPS genre?  Do you like solid shooting mechanics and beautiful, cel-shaded graphics? If you answered yes to any of those questions, the demo for The Darkness II may manage to sell you on the full retail release.

It's probably worth noting that I would've bought The Darkness II regardless of the demo's quality, but I was expecting more from the trial for Asura's Wrath. If the weight of critical opinion is in the affirmative my balsa wood will may break, for now though.... I'll wait.

The Circle Pad Pro is a knee-jerk reaction to a design flaw

Edit: A Bitmob writer pointed out that you can indeed move and shoot at the same time in Resident Evil: Revelations without the Circle Pad Pro. If anything, this is another argument against the Circle Pad Pro, as the developer has already come up with a software solution to a hardware problem. I trialled one of the other control types which plays similar to Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker (read: face buttons used as a second analogue stick), and it works like a dream. In any case, I sincerely apologise for any misinformation. 

This past week, Nintendo finally brought their 3DS eShop into the modern era by offering downloadable demos for Resident Evil: Revelations and Cooking Mama 4. Outrage at the limited use of said demos aside, 3DS owners are now allowed hands-on time with a game that will (presumably) be better with the incoming Circle Pad Pro: an add-on that affords 3DS owners an extra analogue stick and shoulder button. The ugly peripheral doesn't arrive until the end of the month, but I was suprised to see how functional Revelations was without an extra few inches of tacky plastic.

 No, really, you shouldn't have.

The game handles pretty much like any Resident Evil game: you search rooms for ammo and quest items (keys, screwdrivers, etc.), movement is inexplicably forbidden when aiming and firing, and you defend yourself from all kinds of scary monsters. The only difference being the camera defaulting to first-person view when aiming; which is great considering how little real estate there is on the top 3DS screen. You can opt for third-person if you wish and it is functional, but I'd recommend looking down the sights as opposed to over Jill's shoulder. Inventory management (including weapon switching and reloads) is handled on the touch screen, which is a dream compared to Resident Evil 5's awkward real-time menus.

So I mowed through a small portion of the final product just shy of five times over (Hell mode is suitably difficult). The new quick-use button for herbs is a god-send and I haven't had to fidget around with a rubbish real-time menu while I'm being savaged by the infected masses. Since you have to remain still while shooting anyway, it's not like I could use another stick to back away from danger. The situations presented in the demo aren't too demanding, so I'm not sure whether the controls would handle the added stress of a boss battle; still, it works well enough for me to question whether an extra analogue stick and button is really necessary.

"Fine," I hear you say. "You may not need the Circle Pad Pro for Resident Evil: Revelations, but what about the other games that enable use of the peripheral?"

Monster Hunter Freedom Unite worked well enough with the PSP's solitary analogue nub, so I'm not convinced that Monster Hunter 3G is an argument for a second stick and more buttons. Inventory management could be managed on the touch screen, and aiming with ranged weapons could handle like it does in Resident Evil (read: you can't move and shoot at the same time), or a lock-on function could be employed. Why not tinker with the control scheme and mechanics as opposed to fashioning a battery-powered add-on? 

Finally, we have Kid Icarus: Uprising where the developer has revealed that they had only been made aware of the Circle Pad Pro after the announcement of Monster Hunter 3G. This game has been in development for a while - it had been thought that it would be released in the "launch window" - and they've only been able to work with the new control setup since September 2011. At least in the case of this game, the developer believes it will prove useful for left-handed players who might find it difficult using the stylus to aim with their right-hand. It has no other applications (read: no dual analogue aiming) as one would imagine it should have, but it's refreshing to hear of developers specifically catering to southpaws.

Southpaw Gaming Association's 2012 Game of the Year

So if Nintendo couldn't foresee the use in a second analogue stick, I'm not sure why they're rushing to implement one now. Especially when the solution they've developed looks so positively awkward. Playing one of the games that the Circle Pad Pro is purpose-built for doesn't help either, as Resident Evil: Revelations works just fine without any add-ons. Nintendo made their bed and they should accept the limitations of their original design and sleep in it.

Reader Challenge: Needle in a Haystack

It's a well known fact that games based on cinematic blockbusters are crap. You know it. I know it. We all know it.

The problem is that someone still buys them which makes them a profitable venture for the studios.

I do realize the appeal for players is the ability to become their favorite heroes/characters and that parents buy them thinking the game is good because the movie has thirty Hollywood A-listers voicing magical pigs (or whatever kids are into these days).

While Robot Chicken has accurately depicted the current standard of blockbuster gaming I'm convinced there is at least one good game out there.

The rules of the challenge are simple:

1. The game must be based on a major motion picture ie Transformers 3 Dark of the Moon, not Transformers: War for Cybertron

2. The game must follow the plot of the film ie Spiderman 2 doesn't count as it was a game released to coincide with the film. It doesn't follow the plot it just has the same characters

3. If the game doesn't follow the plot it must complement it ie The Matrix: Path of Neo

Good luck!