Resident Evil: Revelations Review (3DS): Serious hardware

For the first time in ten years, I finished a survival horror game.

I blame Resident Evil 4, and the emergence of more gruesome fare such as Dead Space for leading me to shelve the genre almost entirely.  The former was the eminently playable, though horrifically violent match that lit the blaze that was an abundance of increasingly hyper violent horror titles. The fuel has started to dry up though, with tepidly received, relatively recent releases in each of the big series: from Resident Evil 6 to Silent Hill: Downpour.

I loved every minute of Leon S Kennedy's critically lauded adventure on the Gamecube, but after I finished RE4, my resolve gave out. I barely lasted an hour with its sequel, which was dismissed by the majority of outlets and players alike for the partner mechanic, which apparently toned down the scares. I couldn't handle the pressure of Dead Space 2's nightmare-inducing first act. I shied away from anything that looked even remotely frightening.

Enter Resident Evil: Revelations.

Released in 2012 and bought at launch, it sat in my collection almost unplayed until now for two reasons:

1.     I'm a big, fat scaredy-cat.

2.     Even with the Circle Pad Pro (CPP), the game was a monster to control.

Playing without Nintendo's custom-made peripheral made aiming a robotic affair, made playable only because I'd spent fifty-something hours using a similar button configuration to play Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker on the PSP. With the CPP, aiming was somewhat more fluid, but putting the system to sleep disconnected it. I'm a sleepy, lazy, fearful adult person, so I let it rest.

Enter the New Nintendo 3DS.

Not only is the latest iteration of the 3DS a bangin' fashion accessory, it also has this ugly little nubbin that works as a second analogue stick. It works well, to the point where moving the protagonists doesn't feel like operating an ornate heavy weapon from a bygone era. Finally, you're allowed to aim and move at the same time. As slow as that combined action is, it makes Jill et al infinitely more nimble than Leon was; meaning the intensity gets dialled back a notch.

The narrative at play in Revelations, as with all survival horror titles, is in an incomprehensible mess. You control multiple characters throughout, but the only real difference is that they have different voices and genders. You move slowly through corridors, you shoot abominations of the flesh with a variety of weapons. Sometimes you die, rarely is it overly gruesome. I could handle this combination of flavours, however bland they may have been.

There are some troubling sexual politics apparent in Revelations. From making light of stalking to every woman's combat outfit being puzzlingly designed to show off curves and bare skin. You'd figure that the prospect of infection with a deadly virus would lead the women of Resident Evil to ask for a functioning zip in Jill's case, or a second pant leg for Jessica's outfit in the second arc. Nope. Get those tits and pins out, ladies. Parker and Chris are covered from head to toe at all times though, so I'm glad at least some of the heroes will be free from the threat of infection.

I did feel as though the final act was unnecessary, and there's a distinct lack of variety in terms of enemy opposition, but I think this is what I needed if I was to reengage with the genre. Resident Evil: Revelations is an enjoyable romp, but if you're expecting an adrenaline-pumping roller coaster ride with jump scares hiding around every corner, look elsewhere.  

Recommended if you can find it cheap on any platform where dual analogue sticks are the norm, otherwise let it sink into the bargain bin.

(Image source: http://www.futura-online.com/blog/llega-resident-evil-revelations-a-nintendo-3ds/resident-evil-revelations-ns3ds-7/)

Shovel Knight Review (3DS): Love and wealth in the Time of Shovelry

Disclosure: a downloadable copy of the game was supplied by Yacht Club Games for the purpose of this review.

Shovel Knight. Let's talk about Shovel Knight. 

I was aware that its development was funded through Kickstarter and that Yacht Club Games had run into trouble with our baffling classification system, but there were plenty of other games for me to worry about. Games that were getting released; on current gen systems no less, with all the bells, whistles and million dollar budgets that such platforms demand. I didn't think that yet another retro-themed 2D platformer was anything to get excited about. 

Now I know what Australians were missing out on. Now I know I should've been outraged that bureaucracy slowed the release of legitimate classic.

Shovel Knight's inspirations are many, but are not confined to hardware of decades past. The magic system is reminiscent of the Castlevania games.  The themed levels, boss knights and colour palettes are reminiscent of older Mega Man titles. Death is handled in a way that is arguably similar to, though far less frustratingly than the (Demon, Dark) Souls series. The overworld map and encounters are strikingly similar to Super Mario Bros 3. 

That's how I see it at least. The developers may have been hoping for comparisons to Ghouls 'n Ghosts, or some other hallowed eight to sixteen bit franchise? Either way, this is one of those rare games that manages to hang with the legends it seeks to emulate.

The first level provides subtle hints that there's more to Shovel Knight than straight platforming and enemy smashing. Before long, jumping puzzles requiring near perfect execution become standard. It won't take long to discern exactly what's required to get to your destination, but identifying the solution is, sometimes, not even half the battle. Relics can help you avoid or mitigate some hazards, but there's no surviving lava or bottomless pits. 

Thankfully, checkpoints are mercifully well placed in all but some of the later levels. Dying at the hands of flying foes and mistimed jumps is usually only cause for minor frustration. 

Boss fights are varied and death never comes cheaply. Purchasing upgrades to health and magic make these battles more manageable, but that's not to say that they become walk-overs either.  You're also able to challenge wanderers and bandits that roam throughout the overworld map. One of the more difficult encounters doesn't even need to be attempted for you to complete the main story, but I strongly recommend that you wander off the beaten path.

Fiends and friends are all beautifully-rendered and whimsically written. There's one character in the first village that I always stopped to impress every time I came for supplies. Even though his response to my action was almost completely identical each time, I chuckled at this townsperson's genuine awe at my shovelling abilities. Everyone from the most evil of nights, to the most obsessive of hat salesmen has a killer line that had me laughing out loud, or smiling at the very least. 

The in-game economy is fascinating, if slightly forgiving, and provides ample reason to go searching for hidden treasure. Throughout most levels you can find travelling salesman offering powerful relics for a modest price. The villages offer various opportunities for commerce, allowing players to purchase new armour, attacks and other upgrades. There's even games of skill hidden throughout the more friendly areas of the map. I bought all that I needed to to survive, but Indare say I'll need to save up for some better armour for that New Game Plus run. 

Looking over the list of feats (achievement, trophies, what have you), it became apparent to me that I hadn't even scratched the surface. There were relics that I hadn't used at all, or whose proper application I was yet to discover. That may be an indication that certain items are overpowered or overly useful, or that I clung to the familiar. 

I only have a few complaints, and my are they minor ones. The StreetPass Arena is the definition of 'unnecessary': you record three, five second ghosts that collect treasure and race against any rivals you happen to pass. My first and only race ended in farce (it's never explained that you can attack in your recording), and as a result, I'll soon be deactivating this function. Next on the list is the kitchen sink design to one of the final fights which washes as supremely lazy and potentially frustrating (I was lucky enough to make it through in one piece). Given the steep upswing in the difficulty curve of the final stages, I can see that this battle could be cause for some to throw in the towel and miss out on some subsequent, better designed set pieces. 

My only other complaint is that the game does very little to explain itself to the uninitiated. There's very little in the way of instruction for players who haven't cut their teeth on console classics, so a lot of younger and/or inexperienced people may miss out on a truly great experience. 

You might baulk at the near twenty dollar price tag, but this is some of the best five hours of play I've had all year. Shovel Knight demands concentration, keen reflexes and your immediate attention. Yacht Club Games did right by Australian 3DS owners in getting their game here eventually, the least any platforming enthusiast can do is give it a go. 

Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS Review (3DS): Let's have a blue in haiku form

Let's fight: you and me

I've had enough of your shit

You've got it coming

Oh you brought friends huh?

They're stuttering from the lag

I'll just play alone

There's plenty to do

Not all of it is worthwhile

It's OK, I guess

Many characters

Don't think I'll learn them all now

Who has that much time?

Controls feel awkward

Please let me use my d-pad

Let's pray for our nubs

Portable Smash Bros.

The promise has been fulfilled

With some rough edges

Animal Crossing: New Leaf - Mayor's Log, Part 1

I've never played an Animal Crossing game before, but a series of extremely enthusiastic New Leaf fans on Twitter pushed me over the edge. Last night I started my quest, knowing only that I'd encounter a clutch of achingly cute animals along the way. Join me as I get to know the citizens of Geebung.

June 15th, 7:30pm: I'm met on the train by an adorable cat (?) named Rover. He asks me where I'm going, and because of a very small character limit, my destination will be Geebung (the suburb where I grew up) instead of New Holland. After a few minutes of general chit chat he tells what I assume to be an inside joke (been riding this train since 2002 apparently) and it dawns on me that I haven't been asked to customize an avatar. So, do I get to use my Mii, or is there a standard character that everyone has to play?

June 15th, 7:35pm: Hey, I'm a small, brown haired, white boy. Hooray for diversity, I guess. 

June 15th, 7:37pm: I'm introduced to the townsfolk, a charming array of anthropomorphised animals and am proclaimed mayor of Geebung. I challenge this assertion, because as far as I know, I was just visiting. No, it appears that it is I who is mistaken, and I will be the new mayor of Geebung.

June 15th, 7:40pm: I'm informed that I will need a place of residence before I can officially be sworn in as mayor. I am asked to meet with a real estate agent immediately. All the other businesses in Geebung are closed and I notice there's only a handful of houses here, so it stands to reason that if your livelihood is selling property, you'd best be on call.

June 15th, 7:43pm: I settle on a lakeside site next to some trees. There's been no mention of cost at this point. Do they give away waterfront properties in Geebung?

June 15th, 7:44pm: My real estate agent, Tom Nook sets up a tent for  me to use while the house is being built. He gives me a lantern and shows me how to set it up and use it. "This is a set up," I think to myself, afflicted with mild paranoia. He tells me to see him tomorrow to get the bill. I knew this was too good to be true!

June 15th, 7:46pm: Isabelle, my colleague in the mayor's office confirms my birthday and gives me a Town Pass Card. She then leads me to my inauguration ceremony in the town square. I plant a tree and bask in the insincerity of my new people. I am now the mayor.

June 15th, 7:50pm: I put the console to sleep so I can watch the Waratahs get thumped by the British and Irish Lions. Throughout the game I think back to the one piece in this puzzle that doesn't fit: Rover. Was he supposed to be Geebung's incoming mayor? What did he have to gain from me being installed as leader? Was I thinking into this a little too much? Only time would tell.

June 15th, 9:45pm: I attend the Bug-Off trophy ceremony. I am the mayor after all and this is a prime chance to be seen with my constituents. The judge appears to have eaten each of the winning entries; looks like a trophy is the most that any contestant can hope to walk away with. With each trophy conferral, we clap -- that is to say that we try to, our hands never quite meet but a thunderous sound is being made anyway. I'm tired and a little drunk. I need to leave before I make a scene.

June 15th, 9:55pm: I stumble from tree to tree, shaking them in the hope of finding treasure or some clue as to why I'm in this post. I acquire fruit and money. I shake one last tree, my view of the ensuing melee is obscured by another tree. I emerge with one eye swollen, stung by a swarm of angry bees!

June 15th, 10:00pm: What a night. I retire for fear of being further brutalised by the wildlife of Geebung.

June 16th: 7:30am: I awaken and exit my tent to find myself greeted by my postman, a pelican. He explains the mail system and warns me to check for incoming letters regularly or else my box will overflow and I'll then miss out on any additional mail. I have one letter from an anonymous sender, he indicates that it was he who was supposed to be thrust into the role or mayor, but insists I'll be fine. I swear at this point that I will hunt this villain down and bring him to justice for the grievous fraud he has committed!

June 16th, 7:31am: ROVER, YOU SON OF A BITCH, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!!!

June 16th, 7:38am: Isabelle briefs me on the mechanics of mayorhood and drops the bombshell that my approval rating is a whopping thirteen percent. I've just moved here, been thrust into a leadership role and I'm living in a fucking tent. Give me a break!

June 16th, 7:39am: Pacing with murderous intent following my shocking poll results, I run into a boar who tries to sell me some turnips. She explains that people don't eat them much anymore, but I can buy and sell them to various people to turn a profit. Can these turnips be used to manufacture drugs, I wonder; why else would the market be so volatile? I mean, if you're not going to eat the fucking things, then why are you buying them? I can now see through Geebung's smiling veneer and behold the festering shithole of addiction and greed that lies beneath. I want to die.

June 16th, 8:38am: Riddled with anxiety, I visit the real estate agent to see just how far I've submerged myself in debt. To my surprise, his office is closed and he didn't leave me with any other means to contact him.

June 16th, 8:39am: I visit the post office. Apparently Nintendo had left something for me: a rainbow screen.    I wonder if I can sell it off to scrounge for a house payment.

June 16th, 8:40am: I visit Nookling Junction and find myself greeted by Tommy, who appears to be a cute, brown raccoon thing. He likes to give some subtext to everything he says, whispering sweet nothings after each of his utterances. Bells, the town's currency are "So shiny," and he wants me to come back because he'd "Love to see me." I sell some cherries for roughly one thousand bells. I wonder whether feeding myself will become problematic if I can score a grand for some common fruit. It comes to mind that I've played this game for roughly ninety minutes and still haven't murdered anything. I buy a shovel: not only because it should be a deadly weapon, but it should help me to dispose of any evidence that could incriminate while I sit in Geebung's throne. I also buy a bug net, because I'll show those shitheads how to win a Bug Off.

June 16th, 8:47am: To my horror, it doesn't look as though I can do much damage with this shovel. I do, however, unearth three fossils while digging around the town. I wonder how much money I can get for these things? What ancient creatures lived beneath this city's tiny houses?

June 16th, 11:55am: I visit Tom Nook's office again. Ten thousand dollars, for a lakeside property in this economy. Things could be worse. Tom tells me to go fishing and catch bugs to make the down payment. My first instinct is to tell him to go to hell. As if you could afford a house by pawning sea shells, but then I remembered that puzzling formula from this morning: 8 bunches of cherries = approximately $1000.

June 16th, 12:07pm: I speak with Blathers, the owl curator of Geebung's museum. At first he seems shitty at me for waking him up, but he's cooled off. He assesses the fossils I've found to reveal that I've been lugging dinosaur skulls across my city. What the fuck, these bones are probably worth millions and he wants me to donate them FOR SCIENCE? Knowing my luck, I've probably got kids to feed somewhere in this dungeon of a town.

June 16th, 12:18pm: I need ten large. If I want a solid roof over my head, I'm going to have to meet that end.  I started shaking cherry trees, but they weren't fetching as much at Re-Tail. I collected shells and bells. I hunted butterflies and for as long as I'd been in Geebung, I found the closest thing to pure joy.

June 16th, 12:30pm: Nook has his fucking money now and tomorrow I'll have a house. What will I need to endure to survive my tenure as mayor of Geebung? Will I exact sweet revenge on Rover? Tune in next week to find out!

Review Fight Club: Castlevania: Lords of Shadow - Mirror of Fate (3DS)

It's time to shake things up a bit. I'm not going to tell you that videogame journalism is broken or anything, but if writers insist on issuing arbitrary scores with their reviews -- which in turn can rob developers of bonuses and/or livelihoods -- then there needs to be some kind of ombudsmen to ensure that natural justice is applied for each and every game. I can't be that guy: I have a full-time job that, unfortunately for me, doesn't involve games in any way, shape or form and the time that I have to dedicate to my passion draws shorter with each passing week. I am, however, happy to look at a few games in isolation to try and validate the videogame critic's malaise. 

With this in mind, please join me for the first instalment of Review Fight Club - a series where I'll take the worst four reviews (not just necessarily because of the score awarded) rendered by the lucky games writers who have their scores posted to Metacritic. Castlevania: Lords of Shadow - Mirror of Fate (hereafter referred to as Mirror of Fate) on the 3DS will be the first subject, a 2D platformer that has received "mixed or average reviews" and an aggregate score of 73 out of 100 according to the game industry's all-important arbiter.

For my part, I really enjoyed this interesting experiment which aimed to fuse the traditional 2D platformer with the God of War flavoured combat that first saw light in Castlevania: Lords of Shadow which appeared on PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 in 2010. It's by no means the best game that I've ever played, but was in no way deserving of the middling critical reception it was afforded - with two reviews drifting below 50.

It's easily one of the best looking games available on the 3DS, with a camera that moves to emphasize some truly impressive backgrounds and fearsome opponents. It must be said that I rarely use the 3D effects on the system, but the sections where I trialed the technology looked great. A consistent frame rate, charming, gothic art direction, and a varied assortment of well-animated, screen hogging creatures await all who are willing to see past a plethora of mixed assessments.

The other-dimensional combat is what sets Mirror of Fate apart from the majority of its kin. With controls more reminiscent of the fully 3D Lords of Shadow (and its Sony Santa Monica inspration, God of War), players can use direct and area attacks to dispatch enemies that approach high and wide. Levelling up unlocks new attacks which, while not essential for success, make it substantially easier to whip through the demonic hordes. Each character also has the ability to dodge back and forwards to evade enemy attacks. It takes quite some time to master, and considering that each playable character has their own set of weapons and abilities, the brawling seldom gets stale throughout the ten hour adventure.

This might sound odd, but the way in which abilities unlock makes sense in the overall context of the narrative. To go into much more detail would be a surefire way to spoil the story, but it would make sense that a reckless, vengeful youth, an awakened and forgetful vampire and a high ranking slayer would have varying levels of mastery over Belmont family heirlooms.

Difficulty (generally speaking, the brutal nature of it) seems to be one of the common complaints amongst games writers, and while I think the game encourages judicious use of magic and the dodge ability, I don't think it feels overly punitive. GamesBeat's Jasmine Malificent Rea offers that "you’ll often find yourself pinned in impossible situations," and that "Bosses are the worst about this and have the added bonus of ensnaring you in perpetual animation loops." Both assertions are patently untrue. Even without unlocking higher-tier abilities, all playable characters have access to both direct and area attacks. Direct attacks and combos act exactly as you'd imagine, flying directly at the enemies in front of you. Area attacks, however, have the whip and Combat Cross flinging above, behind and below you. Alternating between these attacks to control the crowd and dispatch enemies is key to survival; not as central as the dodge, but essential nonetheless.

Boss fights are difficult, but only once was I trapped in anything resembling Rea's "loop". Like any Castlevania game, bosses have a distinct and limited range of attacks and usually assault the player in patterns. The same is true in Mirror of Fate, except here, you're afforded checkpoints throughout these encounters -- which, granted, you will use -- and even specific hints if you keep getting knocked around. On more than once occasion, I was greeted with text in white all-caps telling me exactly how to avoid death when faced with a specific attack. IGN's Colin Moriarty  claims "the developer seems to have made a modest admission of its game’s complete lack of reliable combat mechanics by designing boss fights that are laughably forgiving." He then adds that through the "brute force" of the player dying and respawning, bosses can be defeated. Contrast that with Polygon's Philip Kollar who would have you believe that the boss fights are a "chore" with opponents that can "take off a fourth of your life bar" with each attack, encounters that he sees as only "passable courtesy of liberal checkpoints."

Maybe these writers should get together and decide what constitutes too hard and "laughably forgiving"? To be fair, in support of Moriarty's comments, know that each character gains an ability to either essentially convert their magic bar to a second health bar or heal themselves through attacks or dodges - two actions you'll perform as much as breathing while playing Mirror of Fate. To support Kollar, I should admit that I died at least once during most boss fights. I wouldn't say these encounters were too much of one thing or the other, they were great - you had to memorise attack patterns, experiment with magic and attacks and then act accordingly. You know, like every other Castlevania game. There's also inconsistencies in how enemy configuration is assessed. The relentlessly-negative IGN writer says that Dracula's castle is "sparsely populated by enemies" whereas Destructoid's Tony Ponce states that the Belmonts are forced to "spend an exhausting amount of time engaged in combat." What is it boys? Too many or not enough?

For those looking for the second coming of Symphony of the Night, you will find yourself wanting. Mirror of Fate doesn't offer potential for exploration: it points you in the direction of the next major event through the use of an objective marker on your mini map and you can either choose to follow the somewhat apparent path there, or deviate when the opportunity rarely presents itself. It's a system that works just fine in my opinion. The game has a sense of purpose and determination that sets it apart from its predecessors. Moriarty argues that the game is "unfocused" and that it offers "fragmented exploration," whereas Tony Ponce complains that this iteration of Dracula's castle "is essentially a straight shot." Again, a contradiction which, in my opinion, fails to acknowledge that the new breed of Castlevania is more directed and that's not necessarily to its detriment.

Spoiler warning - The following two paragraphs contains plot spoilers because Polygon's review team are clowns. 

Finally, I'll address the story which, surprise, our reviewers actually agreed on. Philip Kollar and his editor saw it fit to spoil the ending of Gabriel Belmont's 2010 adventure. Why I'm not sure. I mean they could've just referred to the antagonist as, oh, I don't know, DRACULA!? Why they thought it was relevant to the review as a whole, or even necessary to address for that matter, will haunt me until my dying days. It makes fucking zero sense. Perhaps even more infuriating, the villain is referred to as Dracula for the rest of the review! When he's not spoiling games from yesteryear, Kollar says that the "plot never goes much deeper than its introductory revenge tale, instead building to a goofy, predictable "gotcha" moment at the end."

Moriarty, Rea and Ponce are mainly on the same page, arguing that the story approaches "nonsenical", "uninteresting" and "telegraphed". I saw the twist coming as soon as I saw Alucard because I played the demo, but yeah, I can't see anyone being blown away by this nonlinear, three act play. What I will say is, since when has Castlevania been the pinacle of videogame story telling? Have you played Symphony of the Night? To see the game's true ending, you have to find a pair of magical fucking spectacles! Moreover, you'd be lucky to hear five minutes of dialogue across five hours of play! Mirror of Fate isn't the most compelling tale I've played through, but I could understand what was happening and the voice acting scored high on the Scottish Brogue Index. So there's issues with lip syncing in the otherwise beautiful cel-shaded cut-scenes. What of it?!

End spoilers. 

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow - Mirror of Fate is a good game. I'd argue that the fusion of traditional 2D platforming with the kind of combat that's most usually associated with the third dimension is enough to "build an identity of its own" while still honouring its "lineage" - a courtesy that Polygon's Kollar is unwilling to afford the game. While I agree that the new breed of Castlevania is indeed "brutish", it's unfair and disingenuous of Jasmine Malificent Rea to assert that it's "disappointing because it’s trying to marry two unwilling elements". The combat system works just fine, and while the boss fights may indeed be brutal, they're able to be bested with mastery of said system and with the help of generously-doled checkpoints and hints that appear when you're just plain doing it wrong. I can't remember Konami or Mercury Steam promising "the fusion of old and new Castlevania design", but Tony Ponce should know that's what we got here, and Colin Moriarty, you got it dead fucking wrong when you said this game "isn’t worth playing at all".

I thoroughly recommend Mirror of Fate to all 3DS owners. It may not be Symphony of the Night, but then again, I don't want replication. This is genuinely different. This isn't a tired rehash of a beloved formula. This is worthy of your your time.

Paper Mario: Sticker Star Review (3DS): Absurd Nostalgia

I'm going to have a good hack at my nerd cred with the following embarrassing admission: I never completed a single "point and click" adventure game without the help of a walkthrough. That's right, friends: I'd have never seen the end of Discworld, Full Throttle, Sam and Max: Hit the Road, or pretty much any other title released by LucasArts pre-Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight without assistance from a packed-in guide, learned friend or AOL Era website. For someone who often postulated as to how they refused to use cheat codes and various other game-related vices, these games often called for me to double-back on my principles.

Despite compromising my personal standards and, on occasion, having to concede that I wasn't quite as cunning as I thought I was, I loved pretty much any game that asked me to stare at pre-rendered backgrounds for items of interest. The worlds, the characters, and the one-liners all made for many a cherished memory. Even though developers like Telltale Games have done their best to resurrect the genre, I still feel as though the modern point and clicker does more to help players along (read: solutions to puzzles in these games are often intuitive/make sense). Until recently, I thought maybe we should go back to a time when players were asked to combine and use unrelated items to progress past the seemingly impossible.

Then I played Paper Mario: Sticker Star.

Sticker Star is a game that I both love and loathe in equal measure. It is a game that evoked memories that were funnily enough, often unrelated to the Super Mario franchise, and that also did a great deal to undo some of the romantic feelings I had towards adventure games of old. It was also -- in terms of its art direction and script -- undeniably charming and offers up enough content to justify the asking price.

In terms of RPG elements, Sticker Star is pretty light-on. Mario doesn't level up through genre-standard grinding, and our hero will only see an increase in HP through the acquisition of a specific type of item. Attack power scales up through the collection of bigger and prettier stickers, so battle is best avoided wherever possible as a result. Not because conflict is necessarily challenging, more because the dynamics don't really change over the course of the game. 

Combat won't have you searching for a walkthrough (at least initially), but the increasingly obtuse puzzles will have you scratching your head within hours of commencing the adventure. The ability to "Paperize" allows players to use stickers from their album as well as collected "scraps" to right various wrongs committed by Bowser et al. On paper (puns!), this sounds fine, but the ability and resulting requirement to find "real world" items to convert to stickers to then solve puzzles proved seriously problematic. Often, the required item would be hidden in plain view in an another level. The requirement to source items from various levels also undermines the apparent freedom of being able to pick levels from worlds at your leisure. 

These ridiculous solutions are eventually required in combat situations, although to be fair, this doesn't become a problem until the final hours of the adventure. The final boss fight in particular felt like a forty-five minute open book exam. With the amount of stickers players can carry being limited, I honestly needed to read an overview of the encounter so I could organise my sticker album accordingly and survive the battle. The first time I got close to victory, I actually ran out of offensive stickers that could actually deal damage on the final form. It was infuriating!

Sounds bad right? Well, for someone who's a sucker for nostalgia, there were so many -- what I'm assuming to be unwitting -- nods to adventure games of old that had me grinning. Grinning even when a walkthrough was required in some instances. That, and Sticker Star  has to be one of the best looking games on the 3DS. Massive structures, screen-hogging bosses and an unrestrained colour palette characterised my experience.

There's no denying that Sticker Star has problems; it is in fact, rife with them. However, when I managed to solve one of the hundreds of absurd puzzles by myself, the resulting satisfaction was hard to beat. Yes, the level design can be mind-boggling, the combat repetitive, and there's a huge amount of backtracking required, but in the end it didn't matter: I still kept playing. So after the requisite twenty-something hours I can say that, while certainly not for everyone, Paper Mario: Sticker Star was great and terrible and a blast from the past. 

Crimson Shroud Review (3DS): Roll for directions

The release of Crimson Shroud caught me somewhat off guard. By that I mean, I was reading that Yasumi Matsuno -- the mastermind behind one of my all-time favouites, Vagrant Story -- had a new game in the works and then subsequently read another article to find that it had just been released. Before I knew what was what, the game was downloading to my portable, and I was pontificating about how long I'd be playing this new game given the enduring nature of Ashley Riot's adventure on the original PlayStation.

Expectation, or rather the weight of it, can be a terrible thing. Given the height of the pedestal on which I've placed Vagrant Story, I was expecting Crimson Shroud to sweep me off my feet almost immediately. Despite art direction that looks like a direct lift from his previous effort, this is a completely different animal. 

For starters, while both are RPGs, Crimson Shroud harks back to the genre's origins where you'll find that the success of certain combat actions will be determined by the roll of the dice. Further to that, every scenario is perfectly punctuated by the the lofty prose of the Dungeon Master. This is probably the closest I'll get to playing a tabletop RPG.

There's also the switch from solo, arguably turn-based action to party combat with an explicit turn order to differentiate the old from the new. Battling goblins, minotaurs and other devious creatures here isn't that different to any other party-based affair except for the aforementioned use of dice for specific attacks and abilities. There are certain situations -- like an "Ambush" for example -- that inflict turn or damage penalties that prove an annoyance early on, and just plain deadly for a New Game Plus playthrough. It's also worth noting that characters don't level up, rather any increase in stats is determined by the items you equip. This isn't your mother's (or older brother/sister's) Matsuno dungeon crawl.

Some truly terrible level design mars what was -- at least initially -- a palatable take on tabletop action. There are several times where players are required to backtrack to happen across switches, key items and even battles, to progress the story. This wouldn't be a problem if the Dungeon Master (or anyone, for that matter) would intervene to tell you where it is you needed to go, or what it was would you should be looking for. Instead, three hours of a six hour playthrough were spent farming for a key item. Half of the time (!) that it took me to complete the game was spent repeating the same battle; something I only thought to do after consulting Google in desperation.

To make matters worse, this abominable design choice takes place within what should be your first hour of play. Most will understandably not make it past this ridiculous hurdle. I even consoled veteran writer, Brad Gallaway (of GameCritics) as he encountered this seemingly-futile scenario.

Again, in terms of presentation, Crimson Shroud feels like an extension of Vagrant Story. There is a key difference, however: battles and (most) story sequences are presented using figurines. Charming, cute as all hell, tabletop game pieces that I would pay a boatload of money for. Nothing matches the satisfaction of seeing a large, boss piece toppled. The near-static presentation method was a little off-putting at first, but it ended up being one of the key reasons I persisted with my quest.

It's far from perfect, but Crimson Shroud is well worth the paltry cost of admission. It calls upon the RPG's grandest, though oft-forgotten traditions to deliver a charming tabletop romp. You may need to search (for hours) for direction, but once you get your bearings, it proves a welcome lesson in RPG conventions.

Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy Review (3DS): The joy only found in song

Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy isn't the first attempt by Square Enix to present a cross-section of characters and rivalries from the JRPG series that spans decades and multiple instalments. The Dissidia games were simplistic, though visually spectacular fighters that were padded with nauseating dialogue and questionable exploration mechanics. I loved the destructible environments and spectacular attacks, but the script turned many characters that I had come to love into incoherent and insufferable, oft-gasping low talkers. The developers had managed to capture the look of the venerable franchise, but should've abandoned their attempts at a stand alone narrative. Theatrythm takes a different tact, as hinted by the name, focusing on memorable pieces of music across thirteen instalments of Final Fantasy proper (no material from Crisis Core, X-2, XIII-2 or Dirge of Cerebrus). Does relegating the series' big personalities to the background make for a more pleasing score (ha! review pun)?

The short answer: yes. Having memorable crusaders such as Cloud, Squall, and Lightning act as window dressing for a rhythm game that features some of the most poignant midi tunes in gaming history really works a charm. The RPG elements are still there, however, they are somewhat superficial in terms of implementation (in all but one important instance, but more on that later). While you do indeed choose your party, adorn them with abilities, equip a group item, earn experience points and level up; players can pay lip service to these mechanics and enjoy the tap-heavy action with few concerns of failure. If you plan on taking on the higher difficulties, a Phoenix Down or two will help, but you can still succeed without them.

As I said previously, the implementation of RPG elements in Theatrhythm is usually pretty light except for one important genre trope: grinding. To experience all that this game has to offer, you'll need to replay a modest amount of content ad infinitum.  As an example, to unlock the Expert difficulty for a game in Series mode: you need to defeat a game set on Basic and then play through each of the songs individually on Expert. I'm not even halfway to unlocking one member of the extensive cast of extra characters, and I've beaten the final boss! After six hours I may have seen the epilogue, but I would dearly love to access some extra content without going round in circles.

There are three types of tracks in Theatrhythm: Field Music, Battle Music and Event Music. Field Music tracks are by far the easiest to beat, with a lot of held notes that make it easy to score critical hits. Battle Music gets chaotic (read: awesome) on higher difficulties with notes appearing on four tracks, one for each party member. Event Music tends to be a little harder to master, with varying pace and lots of swiping. One piece of each type from each instalment is available from the outset, and in terms of difficulty across the series, it's all relative. To actually see the challenge that the game can potentially present, you'll need to select higher difficulty levels: Expert and Ultimate. Basic gets a bit tiresome after thirteen games worth of songs, Expert is a genuine test of your tapping and swiping abilities, and Ultimate is hard to the point of trolling!

Presentation is one of the game's strongest points, with each of the franchise's heroes, summons and villains rendered using a gorgeous, chibi papercraft style. Theatrhythm -- in distinct contradiction to both the Dissidia games and what I endured of FFXIII -- even has a sense of humour, subtly poking fun at the melodramatic nature of the series with your party delivering a random, usually nonsensical war cry before each song. The track selection is also of a high standard; even the maligned Final Fantasy XIII ends up sounding good with "Saber's Edge" holding up as one of the series' best boss themes. Your eyes and ears will sing the praises of Theatrhythm, whether you're a fan of Final Fantasy or otherwise. I should note that I preferred to play without the system's patented 3D visuals as I found that focusing on the track line led to blurring of characters and effects.

Theatrhythm may borrow some characters from the Dissidia games, but its aural focus makes for a far more enjoyable experience. Unburdened by lofty dialogue and painful pensivity,  a series worth of memorable arrangements is given new life with a whimsical presentation style and simple, addictive tap and swipe gameplay. There may be some issues with grinding and repetition, but it's an unexpectedly enjoyable trip down memory lane that I can easily recommend to fans of Final Fantasy and rhythm games alike.

Give that monster a medal

Pokémon Conquest is contradiction upon contradiction upon contradiction. A heartwarmingly cute interpretation of war in Feudal Japan that features a simplistic turn-based combat system that offers no attack bonuses for position, but also map design that prevents players from attacking with a lot of the Pokémon that they'll recruit over the course of the adventure. A game that emphasises the importance of warriors bonding with their Pokémon, but also allows them to link with others in the heat of battle (wow, that sounds weird). A game that features a protagonist who is rumoured to be the chosen one but who chose to use Eevee as his starter Pokémon (read: commoner!). 

I've only been playing for about two hours, but the amount of mechanics introduced in that time is simply staggering. The combat seems uncomplicated enough, but managing the affairs of  recruited warriors and their Pokémon, my development, captured kingdoms and picking up new recruits (be they linked Pokémon or new warriors) is overwhelming. Finding my favourite pocket monsters is feeling like a task that I'm not equal to. 

I'm drowning in menus and my interest is fading fast. 

Thankfully I've got Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy on hand for the instant gratification and whimsy I've come to crave. I haven't paid a great deal of attention to what makes for ideal party composition, I'm just tapping away to some beautiful midi music. The art style is enough to make me squeal with nerdy delight, and all you've got to do is touch the screen in time with the music. No better way to unwind after a day of proof-reading proposals and answering loaded emails; that much is for sure.

What are you playing at the moment?   

Heroes of Ruin Review (3DS): Cheese, charge attacks and cloning

The hack-and-slasher of choice for PC gamers the world over, Diablo III dropped in May this year. I wasn't sold on it after a short trial, and came to the conclusion that maybe this style of RPG just wasn't for me. Fast forward just shy of two months, and the demo for Heroes of Ruin lay in wait on my 3DS memory card. After an enjoyable two hour romp with the somewhat unusual Gunslinger class, I decided to take the plunge. Was a different control method the only thing holding me back from enjoying the average, isometric loot fest?

First up, some disclosure: I haven't played through with all of the game's four character classes. I finished the game with the Vindicator class and spent a bit of time with the aforementioned Gunslinger. Vindicators function like your average Barbarian/Paladin class: big swords, big hits, no brains required. The Gunslinger is more focussed on ranged combat, but can hold his own in close quarters. The Alchitecht is your mage, while the Savage is another melee class with a focus on speed. Based on my experience with two classes, each felt sufficiently different and could warrant a second playthrough at the very least.

Whether alone or on the few occasions I managed to find company, the Vindicator could deftly deal with a veritable rogues gallery without issue. The standard attacks and a range of unlockable powers, buffs and passive skills made for a fortress of lion-flavoured muscle.  I'd even go as far to say that Heroes of Ruin is a little too easy, with death only ever being the result of extremely careless behaviour on my part. You can carry twenty health and energy potions at any given time; to make matters even less stressful, potion pickups are plentiful and mapped to the d-pad for ease of use. It looks as though the developers tried to water down the difficulty in order to avoid making co-op play a necessity. Given the 3DS' shakey online credentials, I appreciated this design choice and was happy to play despite the distinct lack of challenge.

Heroes of Ruin is exceptionally easy to play. I'd have thought this genre wouldn't translate well to the 3DS, but the buttons and touch screen input work just as well as a mouse and keyboard setup. Powers can be mapped to face buttons and the touch screen, roll and dodge are mapped to the right shoulder, and the left shoulder functions as a use button. I was genuinely surprised at how I was able to play for long stretches without any fear of cramp or any form of discomfort for that matter. The UI and menu system works well enough, but could've done with some work. Quest markers or anything other than a map are usually missing from proceedings, however, exploration is essentially a linear affair; so you'll finish most quests by default. The in-game economy is broken (with players unable to fence more than 99999 gold worth of goods), but since I bought less than a handul of items across seven hours of play, it never registered as too great a concern. The game is not without flaws, but they never get in the way of fun.

In terms of presentation, Heroes of Ruin exists in a realm of technical and artistic mediocrity. While the meat and potatoes (read: fantasy dudes beating the shit out of trolls and junk) looks great, the supporting cast and random dungeons do little to surprise or otherwise excite. The story is hilariously terribad with more double crosses than a spy movie parody. The settings are stock standard in terms of theme: underwater cave, ice, forest and post-apocalyptic wizard void. The soundtrack is also predictable fantasy fare with voicework that would make all but the most seasoned D&D player cringe. There's nothing here that you won't have seen or heard done better, but provided you've bought Heroes of Ruin for want of solid hack-and-slash action, you won't be disappointed.

Despite a lack of originality, personality and challenge, I can recommend Heroes of Ruin to lovers of hack-and-slash RPGs without hesitation. With varied character classes, pretty visuals and comfortable controls, I was engaged from beginning to end; I even had a few good laughs thanks to the wealth of cheesy voicework. There's also drop-in/drop-out co-op that works better than expected. It may serve to make the game even easier, but it's all the more enjoyable with company in tow. With a larger community and a more varied campaign, this would've been damn near essential. As it stands, however, the game is still well worth a shot.

Mario Tennis Open Review (3DS): Charming bounce

She would argue that Burnout 3: Takedown took first blood, but my wife and I cut our gaming couple teeth on Mario themed sports titles for the Nintendo Gamecube. Mario Kart: Double Dash, Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour and Mario Power Tennis helped our love (and love of gaming) grow in our relationship's early stages. For that very reason, I have a soft spot for anything that gets that mustachioed plumber off his arse. Mario Tennis Open isn't quite as charming -- or as brutal -- as its predecessors, but it's an enjoyable romp while it lasts.

First thing I noticed after a few matches of Mario Tennis Open is that it's stunning to behold. Don't get me wrong, it's not the most ambitious game on the planet, but it's literally bursting with colour. Everything about this game's visuals is dripping with whimsy; if you need to smile, boot this game up for a quick hit. Not every aspect of the presentation is a winner, however. Like every tennis game in videogame history, the one note soundtrack fails to impress. Much in the vein of other Mario Sports titles, it's beautiful, well animated and sounds like mascot hell.

The second thing you'll notice -- almost immediately afterwards -- is the painfully easy single player component. The first seven of eight Singles tournaments fail to register any sense of challenge. Dropping no games and precious few points, you may be asked to play for longer (as in win more sets per match), but nothing will be asked of you in terms of skill, dexterity and reflexes. All of this makes the final Singles tournament (creatively named, the Final Cup) all the more bemusing: it will break you. Well, it will break you if you use any member of the standard cast. Use the Mii with some top tier gear and it won't pose much of a problem. You may lose a game, possibly a set, but you should pull through with a little focus. Save for a serious hump at the end that can be undermined by dressing up an avatar, the enjoyable part of the single player offering is a push over.

Now solo Doubles play (oxymoronical as it may sound) is a complete bust. I didn't have the patience to play through every tournament as my AI partner was a dead weight. Even when using a Star level companion, victory would not come easily. Between being hit by your own partner's shots and their inappropriate shot selection, frustration was all but assured. After the first Doubles match, I knew making the Final Cup was a long shot. Lush visuals and a respectable roster can't do much to save this form of competition. There are some enjoyable mini games to soften the blow though.

The tennis itself is surprisingly sedate for a Mario Sports title. Characters no longer have their own signature shots. Instead, mistiming shots or poor shot selection will cause special shot tiles to appear on the court. Pressing the "Simple Shot" button on these tiles will allow you to hit sensational lobs, curve shots, inch-perfect drop shots and power shots. The mechanic is unexpectedly equitable unless you're playing on the Morph Court. Granted this is only a concern for the Final Cup or for any sadists who desire to play on said court regularly, but the wacky bounces (which AI opponents are able to foresee with an annoying level of regularity) are guaranteed to kill the fun. For the majority of the time I spent with it, however, Mario Tennis Open is an enjoyable and somewhat balanced game of tennis.

I only managed to find a handful of multiplayer matches, but the lag was noticeable. One disconnect and three jumpy duels means those looking for a solid multiplayer tennis game for the 3DS will need to keep waiting. Those happy to play by themselves have a colourful, charming and -- for the most part -- consistent grand slam fest on their hands. Sure, it's easy, short-lived and Doubles is pretty much busted, but it's worth a look.

E3 2012: Where dedicated gaming handhelds went to die

I'm a handheld enthusiast; have been since I first saw the full colour glory of the Sega Game Gear.

The proliferation of cheap games for Android and iOS tablets and smartphones has meant tough times for the dedicated gaming handheld. The Nintendo 3DS has its price slashed within months of release and the PlayStation Vita has been subject to many a gloomy prediction (including my own) thanks to a lack of support from retailers and a high cost of entry. These machines need a shot in the arm... a series of announcements that would make them relevant to gamers the world over. If ever there were a venue for such announcements, it was the Electronic Entertainment Expo 2012 (E3 2012).

I read articles and tweets, watched trailers and sat on the edge of my seat as liveblogs of the Big Three's press conferences hit the web. I waited for proof of life, for a reason to believe in the future of my favourite platforms; but the news never came.

With regards to the Playstation Vita, we may have seen footage of Assassin's Creed: Liberation, PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale and had the announcement of Call of Duty: Black Ops: Declassified, but it felt like the system was glossed over during Sony's presser. Think about it: the handful of games, apps and functionality (Cross Play and PSone support) seen during the conference had been revealed before E3 2012 (in some cases, well beforehand). Even news of the incoming YouTube app hit the web before the 3 day event began.

Most troubling of all, Sony have at least twenty-five games to show for the troubled handheld, but I wasn't to know that based on the coverage of the event that I saw. If not for a good friend -- who pointed me to a NeoGAF thread on June 7 -- I would've only had a handful of games to look forward to between now and the end of the year. Don't get me wrong: things are still bleak, but at least the system's survival hinges on more than a Super Smash Brothers clone and some franchise tie-ins of which we've seen less than a minute of actual gameplay footage.

Then we turn to the Nintendo 3DS, which fared worse than the Vita in terms of the amount of games on show. During the Nintendo conference proper, there was a scant showing for the portable with New Super Mario Bros 2, Paper Mario: Sticker Star and Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon being the only games shown in any great detail. Even with a third party sizzle reel Nintendo could only bring the 3DS game count to just over a handful on the day.

During the painful 3DS Software Showcase that was broadcast the following day, handheld enthusiasts were subjected to more forced chemistry between Nintendo's North American executive team. Even though we were treated to prolonged coverage of the three aforementioned and highly anticipated first party titles, we only saw hints of another handful of underwhelming titles being developed outside of Nintendo's stables. After more than two hours of woefully-delivered PR speak and carefully-edited videos, we emerged with just over ten titles to hold on for.

For the dedicated gaming handheld enthusiast, alarm bells should be ringing. With roughly forty titles on our horizon, and suspicious absences from Monster Hunter 3G for 3DS and Killzone for the Vita, I genuinely fear that our time may be at an end. Mario's master, Shigeru Miyamoto is hinting at a new generation of portables, but I can't help but feel that such talk is premature with two machines struggling to find support from developers thanks to the mobile and tablet goldmine still offering big dividends to all takers.

E3 2012 was Sony and Nintendo's chance to create enthusiasm for their handheld devices, but instead they got press attention for all the wrong reasons. Consumers need a reason to get excited for the Vita and the 3DS, or else we'll all be turning to our phones to get our game on. For me, that's a worst case scenario; as I love the responsiveness and sense of enjoyment that's only possible with buttons and sticks if you've got some to spare.

Are you a handheld enthusiast? What did E3 2012 mean for your passion?

Unbearable Dutch Annual - Issue 2

I'm a little late to the party, but Unbearable Dutch enjoyed its second birthday two weeks ago. Our first year was good, but Dawson and I are now writing for about eight times as many people as we were this time last year. I'm proud that we're picking up more readers with our different approach to games writing. We may not have publishers on the line itching to gift us with review code, but we're better for it (read: will drop pants for free games).

The space between brown and grey
It is with great sadness that I acknowledge the passing of Zipper Interactive. I'm not going to lie: I wasn't the biggest the fan of everything they've developed, but they have some genuine classics under their belt.

Unit 13 will surely rank as my favourite from their extensive catalogue of brown and grey shooters.

It's not brimming with personality, nor is the control scheme without its quirks; it is, however, as close as I'll get to a portable version of underrated score attack shooter, The Club. Now Bizarre Creations' (also sadly shuttered) third person fragfest was also lacking a distinct sense of identity and featured somewhat awkward controls, but it had some thoroughly addictive mechanics that I've desperately wanted to re-engage with.

Save for the hilarious intro video (skip to 1:40 for stylish lols), Unit 13 feels like a spiritual successor to The Club. The gladiatorial gameshow theme has been eschewed in favour of an arguably more popular "modern warfare" look. It's not the most original or appealing approach, but if you're playing score attack games for the story: you're doing it wrong.

Different characters and weapon loadouts keep the action fresh across a small selection of maps that are rearranged and truncated to make up a chunky single player offering. The stealth mechanics are somewhat busted, but the shooting and cover controls are solid. The scoring and combo system is less reliant on speed when compared to Bizarre Creations' effort, and this ultimately works in Unit 13's favour as it's somewhat more forgiving and responds to a variety of approaches. It also features a Ron Perlman look alike, which remains a topic of fevered discussion amongst a good friend and I.

Stop haunting my dreams, Hellboy!

A lack of competitive multiplayer and forced implementation of touch controls are the only real warts on this package. Zipper may have also set the bar too high in terms of the amount of effort required to unlock all of the High Value Target missions. Nothing less than perfect scores in the majority of the game's thirty plus missions will grant you a shot at all of the terrorist masterminds that prevent the titular group of soldiers from attaining... erm... I'm not actually sure what Unit 13 wants, now that I think about it. As per the above though, story isn't really a priority when you're trying to line up consecutive headshots and achieve the highest score possible.

I'll prepare a more conventional review in the coming weeks, but if you have a Vita and like military or score attack shooters, you should pick this up.

Change of focus
You know that job I was talking about a few weeks ago? I got an offer and eventually accepted. I'm able to work at a venue that's closer to home for a few days each week, so I'm satisfied that I'll be able to progress my career and have time with my beloved family. I'll still be travelling a bit though, so I'll spend more time playing games on my portables; I might even dabble in some iOS games if nothing else of note is released on the 3DS or Vita (not bloody likely, but I remain open to the possibility).

Wherever possible, I'll sneak some time in with some of the bigger home console releases; but more often than not, you'll be reading about me and my handhelds.

Thanks again for reading, and I hope you all stick around.