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How many times have you wished gaming could be a bigger part of your life and somehow integrated into your everyday routine? Other than playing more games or dressing up like Mario and starting your own Mario Kart competition in France, there’s little more you can do…until now.

                                    

New to Australia, Kohler has released a new mixer range called the Margaux (pronounced mar-go). What’s this got to do with playing games? It’s got a joystick handle.

Rather than the standard flat handle that you’ll find on most tapware in Australian bathrooms, this one has a thin stick on top of it to control the flow and heat of the water. Granted it needs is a little ball on the top of the handle to make you feel a little more at home but it’s a pretty cool idea.

This is actually one of two Kohler mixers with the unique joystick handle, with the new articulating Karbon sink mixer also using it. A mix of art and plumbing, the Karbon can be manipulated into a range of positions for use and will stay fixed however you need it. However, at $1800 you’ll have to manipulate your wallet into a very sad position to buy it.

With the bathroom traditionally a retreat for the ladies (let’s face it if you’re going to build or renovate they will tell you what you like), do you think you could convince your loved one for something as unique as a joystick handle?

I’m going to put it to Kohler to make a new bathroom suite called the Ryu – a white vanity with red trim, a flat basin, joystick lever mixer and buttons that open draws, dispense soap and more. What do you think?

Collector's Editions: Lots of dollars, not much sense

There's only one collectors edition (CE) that I've purchased that has actually provided value for money. Back when the concept was still in its infancy - in Australia, at least; few made it to our shores early on - the limited edition package for Bioshock had it all: a figurine, soundtrack, the game and a steel bookcase. Even better, it was no more expensive than the standard game. As a matter of fact, I purchased it for about twenty dollars less than the retail price of the game alone.

 The Big Daddy of all bargains.

The game was - and still is - fantastic, I still have the soundtrack, and I managed to sell the figure for the sum of fifty bucks once the novelty wore off. No other CE has come even close to fulfilling Bioshock's value proposition; even when I managed to pick them up for a fraction of the asking price. The Terry Bogard statue included with King of Fighters XII can't hold his cap as pictured, plus some of his fingers have since snapped off. The tiny Chris Redfield that came with the Resident Evil 5 CE shattered from a short drop.

My loving wife even paid over one hundred and fifty dollars for the Street Fighter IV CE which came with two minuscule figurines of Ryu and Crimson Viper, an animated movie on blu ray (which I never watched), and a mini comic. So much money, so little value. I guess if anything, it proved how awesome my spouse is. I wish I could have saved her the money all the same.

With a little bit of self-control, I've managed to go about a year without buying a collector's edition for a new release (the sole exception being inFamous 2: Hero Edition which I pre-ordered for a fraction of the recommended retail price). I've picked up several on the cheap - some as few as six months after release - and have enjoyed being able to spend more money on actual games instead of worthless trinkets.

Skimming through the news today though, and it looks like that is about to change. I'm sorry, Matt: I tried.

Batman: Arkham City
Forgetting that I'm a huge fan of Batman and Rocksteady's previous effort: this package offers so much more than the average, limited-run package. Including a Batman statue, art book, soundtrack, a dvd with the animated feature Batman: Gotham Knight, early DLC access, collectable cards and A BATMAN STATUE: this will be an essential purchase. The package will retail for just under one hundred US dollars, meaning that Australian consumers can look forward to a price tag that should be double that amount. I'll be looking to import in the first instance, but I don't think I can walk away from this much Batfan service. 

Na na na na na na na na EXCESS!

Source: Kotaku

Star Wars: The Old Republic
My interest in this package makes no sense; at all. I love Star Wars - there's no denying that - but I haven't played an MMO since the Guild Wars beta. I also very rarely buy PC games at bricks-and-mortar retail, with Starcraft II being the last game I procured in a box. Still, SWTOR's CE comes with an awesome statue, a soundtrack and oodles more assorted geekery. It's rumoured to cost more than minor veterinary surgery (about two hundred and twenty US dollars), but it looks so(ooooooooooooooooo) cool. 

 Search your feelings, you know it be truly ridiculous. 

Source: G4TV, Bitmob

Do you buy collector's editions? Or, are you one of those disciplined, sensible individuals who would rather buy two games instead of a nonsensically-expensive one? Are you likely to be lured in by any of the loot above?

In case you haven't accidentally bought it: Duke Nukem Forever multiplayer review (PS3) in 250 words or less

The Good: Freezing my brother then uppercutting him Sub Zero style. Only played "Dukematch" and am yet to comment on "Capture the Babe" or "Duke of the Hill". Genius naming conventions.

FINISH HIM!

The Bad: The SP guns have absolutely no use in the MP, except for the 2 rocket launchers, trip mines and freezegun. Do not dare attempt to use anything other than these if you are not host. The Shrink Gun is a useless piece of shit, and there is absolutely no point in using your L1 zoom. However, with the benefit of 0 ping, my brother started tearing me a new one with the rail gun.

These are your controls, get used to them.

The Ugly: Compared to Quake II (Released in 97!!!), there is no decent lighting and fluid level structure, the Hollywood level has about as much complexity as the original Duke 3D. Games would often go for up to five minutes without a kill, the character models look like they're floating around on an air hockey table and the stick controls for aiming may as well be dog turds instead of a PS3 controller.

Save your pennies for this bad boy

Verdict: Will play 1, maybe 2 more times. Would not have even played If I hadn't shelled out 2 x $60 as birthday presents for people. They enjoyed the SP as a casual fuck around and nostalgia fest so all is well!

Franchise Rewind: F.E.A.R 2: Project Origin

Quick note: This post contains some spoilers for F.E.A.R 2: Project Origin.

Bargains, a non-existent sense of self-control, mild obsessive compulsive disorder and disposable income can sometimes lead to nonsensical purchase decisions; like the F.E.A.R Collection, which I obtained during the Steam Summer Camp Sale. On paper it doesn't look like a bad deal: the critically-lauded first instalment, the somewhat indifferent sequel and all of the downloadable expansions for each game for less than twenty bucks. When you then consider however, that I've owned each of these games previously - in some cases, multiple times - across two different platforms there isn't much merit to the repeated acquisition.

Well, you could at least argue that until you've read my review for F.3.A.R. The ridiculously enjoyable, though undeniably ugly conclusion to the trilogy provided that little spark of impulse that was required for me to push the "Add to cart" button. Previously not owning any iteration on PC also allowed for me to ignore that the series had long rested at the bottom of my pile of shame and therefore press the "Purchase" button.

Almost a week later and I'm glad to report that I do not regret the decision. If anything, my recurring absence of reason has provided me with about eight hours of skull-splitting, ghoul-impregnating fun that I refused to enjoy two years ago.

I still understand why I didn't make it through on my first playthrough: F.E.A.R 2: Project Origin was for the most part, an exhausting experience bereft of colour and humour. Your companions are big-balled, macho stereotypes who spout predictable dialogue across your comm. Your enemies - save for the recurring, under-aged villain, Alma - aren't overly engaging either; and no amount of collectable documents could serve to change that now that I've finally finished the campaign and seen over seventy-five percent of the irrelevant text that players can potentially find. 

 Yes, he sounds as smug as he looks.

A renewed interest in Sergeant Becket and his sexual assault at the hands of Alma - which prove to be the propellant for the events of the third game - was the main reason for reinvestigating this primarily-bland sequel. That and the shotguns in this game have a tendency to reduce enemies to a bloody mist that is sometimes accompanied by an arm or a leg; hilarious.

Most of the weapons in F.E.A.R 2 have some pretty visceral applications. Using the Hammerhead to pin Armacham soldiers to chain link fences was reasonably satisfying, as was the resulting bodily explosion from a sniper rifle headshot. The guns in this game make people fall apart and you don't get that in your Call of Duties or your Battlefields: reality holds back the hilarity.    

According to F.E.A.R 2, men are 98% blood.

As for the events of the game and the characterisation of the lead, F.E.A.R 2 has the narrative depth of a thimble. Sergeant Becket - much like the protagonist of the first and third games in the series, Point Man - doesn't say a single thing throughout the adventure. There's no concluding monologue to elaborate on what would have been a very traumatic event. There's no commentary or retorts on the musings and actions of his colleagues. Beckett just takes it. He's more than willing to spill his guts in the next instalment though, but when he's the focus of the story likes to be the strong, frustratingly-silent type. Outside of the disappointment provided by Becket’s lack of character, there’s also no hint of what happens to Armacham boss, Genevieve Aristide who completely evades the final chapter. It seems that story is not the franchise’s strong point. F.3.A.R’s focus on action as opposed to a muddled narrative is perhaps the reason that I view it as the strongest entry.  

F.E.A.R 2 controls well, but the meticulous direction through a seemingly-endless series of differently decorated corridors failed to endear me. Some of the firefights - particularly one against a mech about three hours in, and a warehouse sniper fight towards the end - caused a lot of frustration and often slowed the pace to a drag. Conversely, the majority of the action - including the mech segments - can be powered through without much objection from your opponents. I would attribute this to some unbalanced weaponry that is procured towards the end, but either way, Monolith failed to properly scale the difficulty of this adventure.

So maybe F.E.A.R 2 wasn't that much fun after all. That's not the point, I guess. The point is I've removed one game from my pile of shame: only about two hundred and something - still in my possession, God knows what the lifetime tally would be - to go.

Next up will be the Reborn expansion. Maybe the injection of the ferocious, part-time cannibal, Paxton Fettel can redeem this package?

 Dude, wipe up and help already!

Has a stellar sequel ever encouraged you to look at a series' roots? Have you ever enjoyed a prior instalment of a series more than the current one?

The Crossover Conundrum

With the recent release of Transformers 3, I started thinking about the unfortunate media crossovers that occur for renowned brands. By this I mean when a movie becomes successful, a game is launched to support it, or in Transformers case, a cool toy is released, which is turned into a TV series, then a movie (and then a sequel destroyed by testicle jokes and two stupid little cars). The world of gaming has enjoyed very few wins when taking the step into cinema (or some sort of major release), with the following list being memorable mentions, for all the right or wrong reasons.

Street Fighter (1994)

With Kylie Minogue and Van Damme in the lead roles, this was destined to be a sure fire shocker. Featuring a dodgy plot about Sagat being an arms dealer and Allied Nations officials being kidnapped by Bison, Guile is charged to save them with the help of a misfit group of martial artists as well as a TV crew. The TV crew is made up of Chun Li, Balrog and E Honda. I’m fairly sure there’s something wrong with the content of the above sentences. I remember seeing the movie and thinking, “What just happened? Is that what the game was about?” Anyway, the Street Fighter 2 anime and V series is significantly better and actually worth a look at. Do not bother with the 2009 Chun Li movie.

Mortal Kombat (1995)

I saw this at the cinema and was amazed. I also hired it out recently and was still impressed. More about the fighting and the tournament than a dodgy plot/side story (I’m looking at you Street Fighter), seeing Scorpion throw his little spear thing out of his palm and Kano’s demise at the legs of Sonya Blade was a treat. It was also refreshing to see the characters be accurately portrayed rather than suffer from creative license. Additionally, the cheesy techno in the opening scene was loved for years (please don’t hold this against me).

Halo Legends (2010)

After three superb games, seven short animated films by separate directors were compiled and released to tell the story of the Halo franchise. Similar in style to The Animatrix, this release was, in my opinion, mundane, boring and missed the mark. More arty than entertainment, I would’ve liked to see a more immersive story, maybe about the battle or the Covenant invasion. Better luck next time.

Super Mario Brothers (1993)

I don’t remember a lot about this one, except for dodgy hair cuts by the two henchmen.  Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo star and need to save Daisy from Koopa (wow, a movie having some sort of similarity to the game from which it was derived…) who is played by Dennis Hopper. Despite the big names, IMDB rates it pretty low, but it’s not going to stop me from picking it up on my next movie store visit.

Hitman (2007)

The game was boring, but the movie was great. Full of action and fairly close to the game (or as much of it as I played anyway), Hitman not only has a decent plot, but also some pretty wicked fights between Agent 47 and The Organisation. Expect to see a sequel next year.

The list of other game movies is vast – Tekken, Earthworm Jim (TV), Far Cry, Devil May Cry (TV), Wing Commander (TV), Prince of Persia, Silent Hill, Resident Evil and much more. Have you seen a decent one? Which is the worst?

In case you haven't played it: F.3.A.R Review (PS3)

Until just recently, I'd never finished a single installment of the F.E.A.R trilogy. I'd played each of them: bloody corridors, shotguns of some renown, and scary little girls, but the first two parts couldn't sustain my interest. Then came F.3.A.R or Fthreear as it's known in some cultures; it may not be the best looking shooter on the market, but it does enough things differently to be worth a try. Read on for my thoughts on the conclusion to a saga that I've never really been invested in. 

The Good
Hellfire - While it doesn't always look convincing, F.3.A.R is a gory rollercoaster ride that I won't soon forget. Full to the brim with hectic firefights, brutal weapons and action/horror movie-themed abilities, I never found myself bored or unsure of how to proceed. Highlights included mech battles on a crumbling bridge, a terrifying traversal of a zombie-occupied department store and a frenzied tour through an airport. A working cover system, ferocious melee attacks and a uncharacteristic final boss fight also feature in this strong effort. The game is not only fun to play, but exceptionally paced. Further to that, if you actually manage to find a match of "Contractions" and enjoy decent connection quality, be prepared for some frantic co-op play against increasingly-aggressive waves of better-equipped, AI-controlled foes. White-knuckle action at its ugliest.

Who doesn't love a touching, family reunion?

Woo Vs Carpenter - Depending on your choice of character, F.3.A.R affords players the ability to carry out carnage in ways not seen in any other FPS. Point Man has the series' staple ability of being able to slow time and line up perfect shots. Fettel can suspend enemies in mid air, blast them with his "Fettel Blast," and even possess most enemy combatants. Slowing down time makes for some jaw-dropping action, but Fettel is almost unstoppable as he can burn through entire squads of enemy soldiers without taking much damage (to his person at least). I can only imagine how much fun this would've been in co-op, but more on that later.

Meaty - F.3.A.R affords players a raft of content to play through. For soloists out there, you have the campaign to play through with two sufficiently-different characters. My first playthrough with Point Man took just shy of ten hours to complete; I've only played through a few levels with Fettel but his superior abilities allowed me to plough through these sections of the game much faster. You then have the option to play in local or online co-op as well. I imagine that would be quite the sight to behold with the action slowing down and bodies being thrown about as the two protagonists work in concert; but I guess I'll never know.  Then there are four different multiplayer modes that offer something for those with co-op and competitive sensibilities. You can even play them on your own if you're so inclined, although, for the record: "F%$cking Run" solo is not fun. 

"Reach" for the competition - My favourite thing about Halo: Reach - which was also my favourite game of 2010 - was the persistent sense of reward that you got whilst playing across single and multiplayer modes. A similar system is at play in F.3.A.R with a ranking system that works across all play modes and rewards anything from finding collectables to achieving specific feats using Point Man's Slo-Mo ability. During the campaign specifically, you are awarded scores across four areas for your actions and the player (and therefore the character) with highest score determines the outcome of the story. A great idea that I would love to see in pretty much any FPS released from this day forward.

The Bad
Triggers - This gripe is exclusive to the PS3 version. F.3.A.R only allows players to choose predetermined control schemes which each have L2 and R2 as iron sights and fire. My preference with shooters on this particular platform is to map these actions to L1 and R1 as the triggers on Dualshock 3 and Sixaxis controllers are too spongy for my liking. The game was not at all happy to accommodate me across four different configurations; not acceptable.  

Loathsome mother - F.3.A.R is not a visually-spectacular game by modern standards. There are some moments in pre-rendered cutscenes where the visuals reach par, but otherwise it is almost ugly to behold. Muddy wall and door textures mixed with some of the most uninspiring fire effects I've seen in the last few years failed to impress when compared to most recent big releases. There isn't a great deal of variety in terms of opposition either, and Armacham army operatives are coloured in a way that is somewhat reminiscent of light gun classic, Time Crisis (blue being for standard grunts, red is for the more dangerous variety who usually carry shotguns). Be it humans, mechs or demons: few are animated in a way that looks convincing but ultimately, the game does look good enough to get the job done.

 I'd recommend an LCD TV. Plasmas have a tendency to burn... patterns into my face.

Sound off - The weapons in F.3.A.R sound nothing shy of f3arsome, but the score is anything but. Rivalling the likes of your average installment of the Friday the 13th series in terms of ham, the original music in this game is almost jarring. Even worse is the repetitive chatter from Armacham forces in a heated firefight. On a postive note however, Danzig's powerhouse "Mother" plays over the credits at the end of the game. A strong aural reward for finishing the campaign.

The Ugly
Lopsided team - Point Man and Fettel can tear up the battlefield by themselves or as a team; just don't expect both to shine in the expository cutscenes. Fettel is more than happy to ham it up with his evil laugh and talk of family but all Point Man can do is flash the camera a grimace. The default single player protagonist does not utter a single word, even when it could really serve to flesh out the story and his one-dimensional character. There are some moments where insight into Point Man's thoughts and motives would add a lot to this tale. Instead, he follows Fettel without question because it serves them both to reach some form of resolution so he can pull the trigger; again.

 Care to add anything?

Hello? Is anyone there? - I'd love to elaborate more on F.3.A.R's multiplayer modes but I simply can not find a match on the PS3 version. All up, I've played just over a handful of rounds of "Contractions", found one match of "Soul King", while no-one seems to be showing any interest in the other modes. Some of the Contractions matches I've connected to have also suffered from horrendous instances of lag; enemies dealing damage long after being vanquished and teleportation are just some of the hilarious issues that I've encountered in my time online. As for online co-op, I couldn't find a single player to join the party. Considering the focus on co-operative gameplay, it's a shame that more PS3 players aren't willing to give this fresh approach to multiplayer a try.

M4rk3t1ng g0n3 m4d - Plenty have joked about it, but the stupidity in spelling the game's name with a number can't be ignored. No prizes for guessing what the next installment will look like: F.E.4.R. Perhaps the fifth game in the series will see all of our worst F.E.A.R.5 realized. Either way, F.3.A.R has set a new standard for misguided and intentional spelling mistakes being mistaken for savvy marketing.

The Verdict
F.3.A.R may look like a dog, but it's the most fun you can have with a corridor shooter. It may not be scary, it may not have anyone else playing it (on the PS3 at least), but that doesn't mean you won't be able to enjoy it by yourself. When someone else actually does sign up, you may find yourself having more fun than you bargained for. It's a rewarding package despite the lack of polish and community. At the very least, I'd recommend a trial of the PC and X360 versions in case the player population is more robust on those platforms.

In case you haven't played it: Jamestown: Legend of the Lost Colony Review (PC)

If there's one genre that's never really endeared itself to me, it's the Shoot 'em-up. Whether you referred to these games as shmups or bullet hell, they all appeared and played the same to me. Even industry darlings like Ikaruga failed to engage me, so why bother sampling anything else that the genre has to offer ever again? I'm not sure if it was the pixel art, the testimonial from Rock, Paper, Shotgun, or some beautiful screenshots, either way Jamestown: Legend of the Lost Colony ended up as a purchase during the Steam Summer Camp Sale. There is a plot woven amongst the progressively-hellish levels, but it's hard to care for it when you've just spent the last three to five minutes dodging and shooting for your life.

The Good
Teach me how to love you - As above, I've rarely enjoyed any shmup that I've played throughout my lifetime. I can attribute that to two reasons:

1. I like challenge, but not the bullet hell-brand of "seriously, how the shit am I supposed to navigate through this obstacle course of death without losing all of my lives and potentially two or three credits," challenge. 
2. A lot of my friends were of the same persuasion, so there was very little chance that I would be playing these for any great amount of time as I usually prefer my AAA blockbusters when I'm playing solo.

The developers must have known about people like myself, because Jamestown does a great job of teaching you how to play. First of all, you're shown the "hitbox" for your chosen vehicle at the select screen: so you'll be fully aware of your ship's vulnerable area (note: you can only be killed by a direct hit). The alt-fire for each ship is also explained in the select screen and divided into two categories: standard and advanced. I trialled each and I rarely had much luck outside of ships from the standard category. Finally, Normal difficulty is only available for the first three levels, and while far from insurmountable, it made it very clear to me what enemies I needed to fear, when to "Vaunt" and other ways to protect my hitbox. It also allowed for me to grow in confidence; enough so to embrace "Difficult" and not run away in terror when I learnt that the last level can only be accessed after beating the first four on "Legendary" difficulty. I'm proud to say that I beat the campaign and I even managed to best a Gauntlet.

 Just breathe. You'll be fine.

Not just for n00bs - While Jamestown caters to novices and genre haters, it also has (what I imagine to be) more than enough challenge for bullet hell veterans. Five well-scaled difficulty levels, challenge packs and the Gauntlet awaits players with appropriate skill and dexterity. Gauntlets task players with beating every level in succession with the level-standard, two credits. Normal and Difficult Gauntlets end at the third and fourth levels respectively, the other three difficulty levels require you to finish the entire game. Challenge maps are usually timed survival trials, though several have some secondary objectives introduced such as flying through rings. For the record, I've beaten the Normal Gauntlet and three of the fifteen challenge maps. I've tried to do more, but I'm not quite there yet.

Unconventional beauty - Polygons be damned: Jamestown's wondrous landscapes and creatures - all rendered in hundreds of colourful pixels - won't fail to grab your attention. The action never stutters when the screen is ablaze with beams, lasers and aliens of all shapes and sizes. It's not only beautiful but functional as well.

Like a Boss - Each of Jamestown's boss fights are big, colourful and memorable. Whether it's the Lady of the Lake or a running battle with a drill mounted-train, be prepared to weave your way through more bullets then you'd find in a standard FPS campaign.

 Don't panic. I'm sure it didn't see you.

The way you move - Jamestown boasts mouse, keyboard and gamepad support. You'll only require three buttons for combat and even with a screen full of moving death, it never feels complicated. Deaths never comes cheaply, even in the final level where environmental obstacles are introduced. This game is hard, but you'll have no one to blame for your demise except yourself.  

The Bad
There is a story -  Like I said before, but it's told through static pixel art and green text. Jamestown's gameplay is so vibrant and hectic that the storybook narrative fails to keep up with it. By no means a deal breaker, but it is in a no way a reason to give this great game a go either.  

The Ugly
Local confusion - I understand that this is an indie game and the developers may not have had the budget to ship the game with decent netcode, but who plays local multiplayer on their PC? Don't get me wrong, Jamestown is a brilliant game; but online co-op would have made it nothing less than an essential experience.

The question of length - Even after having to replay the earlier levels on a higher difficulty to progress, Jamestown's campaign can be conquered in less than three hours. Hell, if you're any good at these games you could do it in far less time than it took me. I can't recommend this game highly enough, but you should know that it won't last you very long.

 GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!

The Verdict
Jamestown had everything going against it: a difficult shmup on PC without pretty graphics and modern effects. Against the odds, it proved to be more fun than my five dollars deserved. It can be run on a system with very modest specs with just about any peripheral. It is riotous fun alone - I can only imagine how good it would be with company - and a quality learning experience as well. It pretty much demands to be played by anyone: bullet hell lover or not.