Training Tales: The Warlock

I was more tired than usual after the 5 o'clock wake up. Fumbling into one of my usual outfits, I kept thinking there had to be more to life than this. More than long commutes, more than miserable faces on the train, more than living for the weekend.

I walked past the large man. A tower of humanity, with beautiful, light brown skin and a stature more befitting of a professional wrestler than someone who was into this 9-5 setup. We exchanged smiles before he took another bite from his meat pie. Seriously, it's at least six fucking hours before the consumption of such food is considered commonplace; should I suggest he consider a more traditional breakfast? Anyway, his smile. It was white, toothy and shone almost as brightly as his perfectly shaven head in the train station lights.

It was roughly six degrees on the platform, probably a few colder with the breeze blowing through every two or three minutes. I could feel it through my pants: cheap Carters that I'd picked up for the new job. It'd been years since I'd worn anything other than jeans to work. Like I said I was tired. Tired enough to not know whether I was just tired or desperately unhappy as well.

 As the train rocked violently towards the city, I attempted to get some extra sleep. There was little chance of success. Despite the fact it was unreasonably early, some people didn't smell as fresh as they should have. Pungent odors aside, there were also brights lights, the buzz of pre-shift conversation and the constant threat that my pint-sized bladder could strike at any given time. I closed my eyes and waited for sleep's calming embrace. It never came, so I scanned the carriage for anything that could potentially hold my attention.

I could not believe that I had not seen him sooner.

A short, old man in ominous black robes stood holding a sceptre of what appeared to be solid silver. Atop the bright, metallic rod sat a cross with the Christian Lord crucified and staring at the carriage floor. There was not a hair on his head, but his beard hung past his waist: wild, white and unkempt. What held my gaze more than any part of his ensemble though, was his necklace. A cross larger than that on the man's sceptre lay obscured by his wild facial hair. It was larger than my palm and once again, it appeared to be solid, sterling silver.

He whispered olde language under his breath. He stared unfalteringly through the carriage window; I couldn't remember him blinking. Despite the fierce shaking of the train car, the Warlock stood unmoved. Was this some kind of spell, or was I that fucking tired? I know it's rude to stare, but how could everyone here not be put under his dark magic?

There was one man who sat next to him on an Esky. He was in high-visibility clothing and he was wide awake. His eyes darted to meet anyone who was seeing what he was seeing: the white wizard in the dark cloak. At last our eyes met, and his glower told of great fears and yet untold evil. Did he know what the Warlock had in store for these pawns in their suits and ties? Was he merely trying to say "Dude, check out the fucking wizard!" with his eyes? I wish I could have asked him, but terror had rendered me silent.

Artist's impression

 

The announcer chimed in over the loudspeaker: "Platform's on the right." My stop was the first, and that was all the push I needed. If the Warlock was to commit great evil, I would not be there to see it.

The "Videogames made me feel some real shit" Mixtape - Volume 1

When my wife and I started dating, I started wearing the same cologne I wear today. It's to the point now where I can't even smell it anymore, I -- apparently -- smell like apples and selected spices all the time. Either that, or my olfactory senses are shot to hell.

My sense of hearing -- while dulled by decades worth of music turned up to eleven -- isn't quite as indifferent. I've shared at least one tale of sound driving me through the depths of emotion, but be rest-assured that music doesn't always drive me to tears. It often sparks a sense of nostalgia tied to games and places from the past, some of which I'd like to share with you.

A Perfect Circle - Mer Der Noms VS Vagrant Story
When I was in my mid teens, I was an awkward beast. The closest I'd come to a romantic relationship were text-based conversations with Aeris Gainsborough, and most of you would know how that turned out *sniff*. I was, however, listening to music written by people who appeared to have the same predilection for the melodramatic that I had developed in my near isolation.

A Perfect Circle's debut album, Mer Der Noms was the perfect accompaniment for the years I spent with Vagrant Story. The brooding arrangements, lyrics loaded with sexual and spiritual undertones, even the album artwork were great matches for the darkened cellars, revealing costumes, evil magic and intrigue that made Lea Monde such a memorable locale. The swaying rhythm of songs like "The Rose" seemed to perfectly match the game's combat system, which required precise inputs in time with the swing of Ashley Riot's blade. The instrumental piece, "Renholder" mirrored the beauty and mystery of the maze-like Snowfly Forest.

Both Mer Der Noms and Vagrant Story hold up pretty well today. Sure, the former may be linked to feelings of loneliness and desperation to which I can no longer fully relate, and the latter's technical brilliance may have been eclipsed (more on a hardware front than anything else); but I still indulge in the combination today. A few weeks ago I tweeted that everytime I hear Maynard James Keenan and co., I have the burning desire to relive my days as a blacksmithing Riskbreaker.; to my surprise and delight, a complete stranger replied that they enjoyed the same association.

Fucked Up - The Chemistry of Common Life VS Blur
In the lead-up to what was a relatively stress-free wedding, I was given the opportunity to work in a senior role for a few weeks to gain some valuable experience and some extra cash. It was a pretty brutal month in an area that offered some truly eye-opening experiences, and with every weekend there came a nervous energy that I needed to expel.

Unfortunately for me, the Grand Final for the National Rugby League's Telstra Premiership fell on the penultimate weekend of my secondment. My fiance was watching that game and the day's worth of fanfare whether I needed to escape or not. It also meant the television was claimed to watch the action; it'd be hard to even get my game on. I was getting desperate, so I plunged into the abyss that was our spare room and found an old, tiny TV. Fucked Up on my iPod, Blur on my PlayStation 3: I was going to ram my way out of this feeling of helplessness.

 Fucking carnage

As the raw, throbbing rage of "Magic Word" pulsed through my head, I collided with expensive cars and felt my anger rub off on my opponents along with a great deal of paint. Challenge me and be trashed: I raced ahead of everyone, everything... I was getting the wins I needed. In somewhat of a contradition, "No Epiphany" was on repeat for the better part of the day; I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Beck - Guero VS Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction
Despite an abundance of violence and destruction, Mercenaries turned out to be a reasonably light-hearted affair. The absence of colour and the epic soundtrack may have had one believing that this was yet another generic sandbox action game; but when Mattias Nilsson mutters about his love for M67 frag grenades and threatens that the Korean DMZ will be even more dangerous upon his arrival, you know there'll be some laughs to be had.

After a few hours of hunting war criminals to a score of lofty orchestral pieces, I decided that Guero would be a  more appropriate aural supplement for my adventures. I can remember "Missing" playing as I searched aimlessly for a "card" hidden in a treachorous North Korean valley. "Rental Car" blared through my speakers as I bundled over hillsides in an Allied Nations humvee. "Hell Yes" was a fitting match to some of my more beligerent helicopter flights which saw firey death rain on whomever pulled the short straw with regards to my mixed political interests.

Flushing out the odd warlord with a bunker buster sounds heavy enough, but with the help of Beck and some the best vehicle controls I've enjoyed in an action game, fun was always on the agenda. 

Are there any albums you associate with some of your favourite games? Has anyone else tried mashing these combinations together with the same level of success?

Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy Review (3DS): The joy only found in song

Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy isn't the first attempt by Square Enix to present a cross-section of characters and rivalries from the JRPG series that spans decades and multiple instalments. The Dissidia games were simplistic, though visually spectacular fighters that were padded with nauseating dialogue and questionable exploration mechanics. I loved the destructible environments and spectacular attacks, but the script turned many characters that I had come to love into incoherent and insufferable, oft-gasping low talkers. The developers had managed to capture the look of the venerable franchise, but should've abandoned their attempts at a stand alone narrative. Theatrythm takes a different tact, as hinted by the name, focusing on memorable pieces of music across thirteen instalments of Final Fantasy proper (no material from Crisis Core, X-2, XIII-2 or Dirge of Cerebrus). Does relegating the series' big personalities to the background make for a more pleasing score (ha! review pun)?

The short answer: yes. Having memorable crusaders such as Cloud, Squall, and Lightning act as window dressing for a rhythm game that features some of the most poignant midi tunes in gaming history really works a charm. The RPG elements are still there, however, they are somewhat superficial in terms of implementation (in all but one important instance, but more on that later). While you do indeed choose your party, adorn them with abilities, equip a group item, earn experience points and level up; players can pay lip service to these mechanics and enjoy the tap-heavy action with few concerns of failure. If you plan on taking on the higher difficulties, a Phoenix Down or two will help, but you can still succeed without them.

As I said previously, the implementation of RPG elements in Theatrhythm is usually pretty light except for one important genre trope: grinding. To experience all that this game has to offer, you'll need to replay a modest amount of content ad infinitum.  As an example, to unlock the Expert difficulty for a game in Series mode: you need to defeat a game set on Basic and then play through each of the songs individually on Expert. I'm not even halfway to unlocking one member of the extensive cast of extra characters, and I've beaten the final boss! After six hours I may have seen the epilogue, but I would dearly love to access some extra content without going round in circles.

There are three types of tracks in Theatrhythm: Field Music, Battle Music and Event Music. Field Music tracks are by far the easiest to beat, with a lot of held notes that make it easy to score critical hits. Battle Music gets chaotic (read: awesome) on higher difficulties with notes appearing on four tracks, one for each party member. Event Music tends to be a little harder to master, with varying pace and lots of swiping. One piece of each type from each instalment is available from the outset, and in terms of difficulty across the series, it's all relative. To actually see the challenge that the game can potentially present, you'll need to select higher difficulty levels: Expert and Ultimate. Basic gets a bit tiresome after thirteen games worth of songs, Expert is a genuine test of your tapping and swiping abilities, and Ultimate is hard to the point of trolling!

Presentation is one of the game's strongest points, with each of the franchise's heroes, summons and villains rendered using a gorgeous, chibi papercraft style. Theatrhythm -- in distinct contradiction to both the Dissidia games and what I endured of FFXIII -- even has a sense of humour, subtly poking fun at the melodramatic nature of the series with your party delivering a random, usually nonsensical war cry before each song. The track selection is also of a high standard; even the maligned Final Fantasy XIII ends up sounding good with "Saber's Edge" holding up as one of the series' best boss themes. Your eyes and ears will sing the praises of Theatrhythm, whether you're a fan of Final Fantasy or otherwise. I should note that I preferred to play without the system's patented 3D visuals as I found that focusing on the track line led to blurring of characters and effects.

Theatrhythm may borrow some characters from the Dissidia games, but its aural focus makes for a far more enjoyable experience. Unburdened by lofty dialogue and painful pensivity,  a series worth of memorable arrangements is given new life with a whimsical presentation style and simple, addictive tap and swipe gameplay. There may be some issues with grinding and repetition, but it's an unexpectedly enjoyable trip down memory lane that I can easily recommend to fans of Final Fantasy and rhythm games alike.

Action figure power play: Solid Snake -- Square Enix: Play Arts Kai

I had a terrible day at work today and if there's one thing that can cheer me up, it's vidyagaemz. Normally I'd calm my nerves by buying a new game, but that was the old Tristan. I have to find some other way to deal with my anxiety and frustration.

Luckily enough I had a beautiful deluxe action figure to open up. The Metal Gear Solid: Play Arts Kai: Solid Snake Action Figure to be precise. I had originally intended to keep the figure mint in box, but circumstances (read: shopping sprees) have forced my hand. 

Plus a post-mortem video where I broke a weapon!

Give that monster a medal

Pokémon Conquest is contradiction upon contradiction upon contradiction. A heartwarmingly cute interpretation of war in Feudal Japan that features a simplistic turn-based combat system that offers no attack bonuses for position, but also map design that prevents players from attacking with a lot of the Pokémon that they'll recruit over the course of the adventure. A game that emphasises the importance of warriors bonding with their Pokémon, but also allows them to link with others in the heat of battle (wow, that sounds weird). A game that features a protagonist who is rumoured to be the chosen one but who chose to use Eevee as his starter Pokémon (read: commoner!). 

I've only been playing for about two hours, but the amount of mechanics introduced in that time is simply staggering. The combat seems uncomplicated enough, but managing the affairs of  recruited warriors and their Pokémon, my development, captured kingdoms and picking up new recruits (be they linked Pokémon or new warriors) is overwhelming. Finding my favourite pocket monsters is feeling like a task that I'm not equal to. 

I'm drowning in menus and my interest is fading fast. 

Thankfully I've got Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy on hand for the instant gratification and whimsy I've come to crave. I haven't paid a great deal of attention to what makes for ideal party composition, I'm just tapping away to some beautiful midi music. The art style is enough to make me squeal with nerdy delight, and all you've got to do is touch the screen in time with the music. No better way to unwind after a day of proof-reading proposals and answering loaded emails; that much is for sure.

What are you playing at the moment?   

Heroes of Ruin Review (3DS): Cheese, charge attacks and cloning

The hack-and-slasher of choice for PC gamers the world over, Diablo III dropped in May this year. I wasn't sold on it after a short trial, and came to the conclusion that maybe this style of RPG just wasn't for me. Fast forward just shy of two months, and the demo for Heroes of Ruin lay in wait on my 3DS memory card. After an enjoyable two hour romp with the somewhat unusual Gunslinger class, I decided to take the plunge. Was a different control method the only thing holding me back from enjoying the average, isometric loot fest?

First up, some disclosure: I haven't played through with all of the game's four character classes. I finished the game with the Vindicator class and spent a bit of time with the aforementioned Gunslinger. Vindicators function like your average Barbarian/Paladin class: big swords, big hits, no brains required. The Gunslinger is more focussed on ranged combat, but can hold his own in close quarters. The Alchitecht is your mage, while the Savage is another melee class with a focus on speed. Based on my experience with two classes, each felt sufficiently different and could warrant a second playthrough at the very least.

Whether alone or on the few occasions I managed to find company, the Vindicator could deftly deal with a veritable rogues gallery without issue. The standard attacks and a range of unlockable powers, buffs and passive skills made for a fortress of lion-flavoured muscle.  I'd even go as far to say that Heroes of Ruin is a little too easy, with death only ever being the result of extremely careless behaviour on my part. You can carry twenty health and energy potions at any given time; to make matters even less stressful, potion pickups are plentiful and mapped to the d-pad for ease of use. It looks as though the developers tried to water down the difficulty in order to avoid making co-op play a necessity. Given the 3DS' shakey online credentials, I appreciated this design choice and was happy to play despite the distinct lack of challenge.

Heroes of Ruin is exceptionally easy to play. I'd have thought this genre wouldn't translate well to the 3DS, but the buttons and touch screen input work just as well as a mouse and keyboard setup. Powers can be mapped to face buttons and the touch screen, roll and dodge are mapped to the right shoulder, and the left shoulder functions as a use button. I was genuinely surprised at how I was able to play for long stretches without any fear of cramp or any form of discomfort for that matter. The UI and menu system works well enough, but could've done with some work. Quest markers or anything other than a map are usually missing from proceedings, however, exploration is essentially a linear affair; so you'll finish most quests by default. The in-game economy is broken (with players unable to fence more than 99999 gold worth of goods), but since I bought less than a handul of items across seven hours of play, it never registered as too great a concern. The game is not without flaws, but they never get in the way of fun.

In terms of presentation, Heroes of Ruin exists in a realm of technical and artistic mediocrity. While the meat and potatoes (read: fantasy dudes beating the shit out of trolls and junk) looks great, the supporting cast and random dungeons do little to surprise or otherwise excite. The story is hilariously terribad with more double crosses than a spy movie parody. The settings are stock standard in terms of theme: underwater cave, ice, forest and post-apocalyptic wizard void. The soundtrack is also predictable fantasy fare with voicework that would make all but the most seasoned D&D player cringe. There's nothing here that you won't have seen or heard done better, but provided you've bought Heroes of Ruin for want of solid hack-and-slash action, you won't be disappointed.

Despite a lack of originality, personality and challenge, I can recommend Heroes of Ruin to lovers of hack-and-slash RPGs without hesitation. With varied character classes, pretty visuals and comfortable controls, I was engaged from beginning to end; I even had a few good laughs thanks to the wealth of cheesy voicework. There's also drop-in/drop-out co-op that works better than expected. It may serve to make the game even easier, but it's all the more enjoyable with company in tow. With a larger community and a more varied campaign, this would've been damn near essential. As it stands, however, the game is still well worth a shot.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations Review (PS3 - single player campaign): Define "revelation"

It's silly, you know. I decide that I'm going to refrain from buying games for -- what is ostensibly -- the rest of the year, so the first thing I do is finish off the most recent instalment in a series renowned for historical intrigue. The last thing this addict needs is a cliffhanger, and luckily enough, Assassin's Creed: Revelations fails to live to up to its name. There's nothing akin to a revelation to be found within this unnecessary chapter that follows the exploits of two familiar master assassins, Altair and Ezio Auditore and their descendant, Desmond Miles.

There was one burning question that I had at the end of Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. If there was one thing I expected from Revelations, it was some kind of resolution to that. Follow-up of any kind to the final moments of the last instalment was all I wanted. After roughly ten to fifteen hours of awkward stabbery, I have no further clues as to why things went to shit at the end of Brotherhood. The only thing, story-wise, that I got from this game can be discovered simply by watching a trailer for Assassin's Creed III.  That's right, the Revelation is that the Assassin's Creed series is going stateside: GET HYPE!!!

While Assassin's Creed: Revelations doesn't live up to the lofty standards I've set for the series, it is, at the very least, a substantial offering that has several redeeming features. Best of all is the brand new setting of Constantinople, another location teeming with life and packed with imposing structures. The new hookblade -- while not a gamechanger -- does allow for a noticeable increase in climbing speed, making stunning ascents all the more enjoyable. The search for the Masayaf Keys also presents some of the greatest platforming sequences in the series' history, with stunning visuals, feverish pace, and a minimum of fuss (read: combat). There also some likeable characters thrown into the mix: Suleiman, Yusuf and Sofia Sartor prove to be just as compelling as the members of Ezio's Brotherhood from the last two instalments. I did, however, feel that the Altair memories were entirely pointless and the characters contained within added nothing of substance to the series' lore. It is entirely possible that anyone could enjoy this game, but I've seen the best that this series has achieved, and I couldn't suffer much of it without screaming at the screen (or twisting the control til I felt it could break, or my eyes rolling to the back of my head).

Burn your papers, they ain't worth reading.

As for what's wrong with the game, short version: it just feels somewhat unpolished. As per my previous post, new mechanics like bomb-making and tower defense felt best when avoided completely. Unnecessary additions from previous instalments like managing the assassin war, the real estate metagame and the Templar towers that hold it back, all return to provide an artificial length to proceedings. Want to afford that new piece of armour? That's fine, you'll just need to retreat to higher ground, spot the Templar captain with Eagle Sense, kill them, ignite the relevant Templar tower, buy some businesses, wait twenty to forty minutes until monies are deposited in the bank, and withdraw money from the bank... unless you don't own a bank; then you'll need to buy a bank. There's also some woefully-designed missions that revolve around the series' busted stealth mechanics which irked me to no end. Assassin's Creed: Revelations features everything I dislike about the series.

Worst of all, the disjointed combat system from the previous instalment returns with the addition of enemies that can't be damaged by anything but counter hits. While these enemies don't appear until closer to the end of the game, what it means is that combat slows to a crawl. All of those mechanics introduced in Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood that had the intent of getting Ezio on the offensive are undone. For the last three hours of the campaign, I actively avoided combat. When I wasn't required to rout the enemy, I got the fuck away from anything with a weapon, let alone a mask. For someone who used to grab a horse and ride towards enemy encampments outside of Acre just to pick a fight in the first game, the slow, frustrating flavour of Revelations' combat stings. If you're thinking of jumping into the series, don't start here. 

Counter that shit.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations isn't a bad game, it's just not a particularly good one. There are some fantastic missions and sequences on offer in this instalment, but these great moments were often bracketed by frustrating and unnecessary gameplay. The title of this instalment is also terribly misleading. I just wanted an answer to one burning question, and all I got was interesting though ultimately pointless exposition.